Interracial Relationships [Archive] - Deep House Page Forums

Koffy Brown

02-20-2003, 10:34 AM

Before I begin this topic I will say this so that no one gets the wrong idea about me, but it’s important for anyone who want to get to know me to understand, that I have a tremendous amount of love and respect for my people, my ancestors and my history, that is why I have a difficult time with interracial relationship. I always have and at the age of 32 year 2003 I still do. Even more now than before because it’s like it’s becoming an epidemic. I do believe that love has no color, but it’s almost like brothers are intentionally seeking the love and companionship of women other than Black women. And I’m going to be truthful, IT HURTS. Not only does it hurt us emotionally but psychologically. When I examine the state of our communities and our families, I feel like how dare you, abandon us. What is wrong? What is going on? What are we doing or not doing? This is something I think is serious. There are far too many beautiful, hard working, loving and caring single Black women, and the sad part is that many are not marrying or pro-creating. Before I continue to rant what are some of your thoughts and feelings.

Bill Blake

02-20-2003, 10:39 AM

Do you think the world owes you a black man?

Jamie 3:26

02-20-2003, 10:40 AM

Before I start,do not be offended by what I am going to say.I see both sides of the coins.

Most of the brothers who do go out and get with a white girl,they do it because some sisters can be cruel and superficial.

Think about the homily guy who the sisters gave no play to.He doesnt drive a fancy car,dresses down and is a quiet almost nerdy kind of guy.He may even be the most attractive guy.

He is ignored by the sisters or even dissed.He meets Becky,who just likes him for him.The brother is loved by this women for him.This inspires the brother to even do better,he becomes succesful.

Now the sisters are mad and talking shit.Calling him a sell-out and so forth.Where were you when this brother was ugly and a geek and was not worth your time?

I really want to get into this,but will have to come back on this,because there are a lot of issues that will come out on the surface on this.....

Koffy Brown

02-20-2003, 10:40 AM

Originally posted by Jamie Lennox:
Do you think the world owes you a black man?The world owes me nothing, but do I think that black men should have some obligation to their families, communities and Black women you are damn right.

GROOVE VICTIM

02-20-2003, 10:40 AM

It depends on your environment IMO. I know living out in California, hanging out in cities like Oakland, San Francisco, LA and San Diego, interracial dating is the norm and you don't discuss it or even think about it. Down here where I live now, it's a totally different time and place. It's so "BLACK and WHITE" down here that you'd think you were dreaming. You have a few couples here and there but these relationships are more or less on the Downlow. I know growing up in the North East, it wasn't a real issue if I or a friend of mine dated a White girl, but it was more accepted to date a Puerto Rican sista rather than a White girl.

This can turn out to be some very interesting dialogue.

Peace

'Magic' Juan

02-20-2003, 10:43 AM

Perhaps it seems that more Black men are seeking to date outside their race because you are focusing on 'seeking out' people who are doing so. I have absolutely no problem with anyone involved in an interracial relationship and anyone who knows me outside of this board knows I have done so in the past and continue to do so. I think that the problem of interracial dating lies in 2 things: a) you date outside of your race because you hate your own, b) you date someone outside of your race to, in vague terms, "get props" from your peers. If you can find true love with another person who is a different race or even gender, then so be it. All I can say to you is do not knock it until you have tried it.

When dating,I was able to develop healthy and meaningful relationships with that person and where they were from was never an issue. I have heard my share of comments and have gotten those "looks" by people of different races, but especially mine. My race is waaaaaaay behind in being open minded to interracial dating, but I don't care what they think about me or what I do. You are very much entitled to your opinion and choices. For the record, I do not feel you are a racist or even prejudiced. Best of luck to you.

magic_juan

[ February 20, 2003, 10:46 AM: Message edited by: magic_juan ]

Koffy Brown

02-20-2003, 10:44 AM

blackwax

02-20-2003, 10:46 AM

Love no's no colour

Thats it!!!!!!!

Ronnie Ron

02-20-2003, 10:48 AM

I was just reading an article in Ebony Magezine while getting an oil change on my car and it was about interacial dating, In my opinion i dont see any African American Women beating down my door to be with me. So i will probably pick the first person that finds interest in me regardless of color. I would like to be with a African American women but in my opinion they do not seem to be interested in me or what i have to offer. Maybe its the geographical area i am in (NJ), In my opinion southern African American women are very kind and have less of an attitude and dont seem to be so Materialistic in General. If i were in the south it would probably not be such a struggle dating and finding good African American women. The first one that comes at me with a good attitude will be the one i choose i dont care if she is green as long as she is nice and has a cute butt. graemlins/acclaim.gif

blackwax

02-20-2003, 10:52 AM

cute butt graemlins/lol.gif

GROOVE VICTIM

02-20-2003, 10:53 AM

Jamie does bring up a good point but I do believe that it's your responsiblity to attract a women you would prefer to be with, and that precipicates to the women too.

I'm no Shamar Moore, but I ain't Shabba Ranks either. By that comment, it's my responsibility to look for that sista who is not into the "bling bling" mentality, who likes to talk about culture, politics, music, food, etc. Unfortunately I have dig a little deeper in the sea because this MTV, BET generation has really screwed up alot of people's ways of thinking in regards to Black people and Black culture. But don't get mad at us when we're dating Sandy. Feel free to walk up to the brotha and ask (if he's willing to discuss) he's dating this particular person, then ask yourself, am I attracting the right man for my needs.

Peace

martin

02-20-2003, 10:55 AM

Ashaki you say it hurts 'us' - do you think that it also hurts the white girl, or whatever race she may be?

It's hard enough to find a soulmate or real love in this life. When you do why should race put obstacles in it's way?

My wife is of a different race to me - and my children are mixed race. Ashaki surely what someone else does in their life has no effect on you. If you don't want a mixed race relationship then don't have one. But it works for me, and I couldn't care less what anyone of my race, my wife's race or any other race thinks about it because it has nothing to do with them how I live my life.

SHEIK YERBOUTI

02-20-2003, 10:58 AM

When Black women say they've been dogged by Black men, that only makes sense. But by the same token, white women have been dogged by white men, Latinas by Latinos, so forth, so on. I'm not dowplaying what you say, cause being a man I see lil ray's side, but I have enough respect for women to understand their frustration when they feel like they're always getting the short end. I'm just not the type to wanna dog someone.

But think of it this way, why don't YOU try interracial dating? You can still be just as much a black women if the one you love isn't Black. I used to get upset when I saw interracial couples, then I realized you have to make yourself happy first.

You can't save the world if you don't save yourself.

[ February 20, 2003, 11:01 AM: Message edited by: toomuchtv ]

Koffy Brown

02-20-2003, 10:58 AM

Originally posted by RonnieRon:
I was just reading an article in Ebony Magezine while getting an oil change on my car and it was about interacial dating, In my opinion i dont see any African American Women beating down my door to be with me. So i will probably pick the first person that finds interest in me regardless of color. I would like to be with a African American women but in my opinion they do not seem to be interested in me or what i have to offer. Maybe its the geographical area i am in (NJ), In my opinion southern African American women are very kind and have less of an attitude and dont seem to be so Materialistic in General. If i were in the south it would probably not be such a struggle dating and finding good African American women. The first one that comes at me with a good attitude will be the one i choose i dont care if she is green as long as she is nice and has a cute butt. graemlins/acclaim.gif So after you've met a few sista's with bad attitudes, do you move on to white women or other?

Bill Blake

02-20-2003, 10:59 AM

Ronnie Ron

02-20-2003, 10:59 AM

Originally posted by Ashaki:
<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by Jamie Lennox:
Do you think the world owes you a black man?The world owes me nothing, but do I think that black men should have some obligation to their families, communities and Black women you are damn right.[/QUOTE]Ashaki, I here ya, but what do you when time after time, after time, after time, you are turned down shunned looked down upon and just plain over looked no one wants to be lonely. you pick who is interested in you. and believe me I aint no Shabba Ranks either. I say date who is interested in you. Hell if i wait for a black woman ill be 50 years old and still single. Im goin for who wants me Color does not matter when you have been what i have been through.

konbit

02-20-2003, 10:59 AM

Love knows no color.

Last time this topic came up, in went on for pages...maybe we should just visit the archives to save ourselves the arguments that will probably ensue.

ngeso

02-20-2003, 10:59 AM

i'm the product of an interracial marriage, and i live in an interracial relationship.

doubting the validity of interracial relationships amounts to questioning my very existence.

i'll be monitoring this one carefully, my friends.

peace. ngeso.

Wild i

02-20-2003, 11:02 AM

I'm very fortunate to be living my multicultural dream. Right now Black, White and Latina are represented in my household, as are gay and straight (notice I did not capitalize gay and straight graemlins/rofl.gif )

I have dated around the spectrum and I have known others who have done so. I would agree that the big problem of dating outside one's race comes in when it it because one refuses to date within the race (Whoopi Goldberg) which smacks of self hate. I am not threatened by seeing a Black man with a White woman, but then again I am not generally threatened by anyone else's relationship. I don't assume when I see such a pairing that the man thinks less of sisters. I tend to assume that he really likes pink.

The only inner conflict I suffer from in this arena is being torn between my love of the great melting pot vs the preservation of cultural uniqueness. I guess it's a balancing act.

Koffy Brown

02-20-2003, 11:02 AM

Originally posted by martin s:
Ashaki you say it hurts 'us' - do you think that it also hurts the white girl, or whatever race she may be?

It's hard enough to find a soulmate or real love in this life. When you do why should race put obstacles in it's way?

My wife is of a different race to me - and my children are mixed race. Ashaki surely what someone else does in their life has no effect on you. If you don't want a mixed race relationship then don't have one. But it works for me, and I couldn't care less what anyone of my race, my wife's race or any other race thinks about it because it has nothing to do with them how I live my life.I do not want anyone to take this personal. I am fully aware that not every Black man will marry a Black woman and so on and so forth. I am not angry I am simply a Black woman who believes that interracial dating has become a problem within the Black community. This is not a personal attack. I want to know why brothers are looking for love else where.

Ronnie Ron

02-20-2003, 11:03 AM

Originally posted by Ashaki:
<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by RonnieRon:
I was just reading an article in Ebony Magezine while getting an oil change on my car and it was about interacial dating, In my opinion i dont see any African American Women beating down my door to be with me. So i will probably pick the first person that finds interest in me regardless of color. I would like to be with a African American women but in my opinion they do not seem to be interested in me or what i have to offer. Maybe its the geographical area i am in (NJ), In my opinion southern African American women are very kind and have less of an attitude and dont seem to be so Materialistic in General. If i were in the south it would probably not be such a struggle dating and finding good African American women. The first one that comes at me with a good attitude will be the one i choose i dont care if she is green as long as she is nice and has a cute butt. graemlins/acclaim.gif So after you've met a few sista's with bad attitudes, do you move on to white women or other?[/QUOTE]No im not out hunting for white women or latino women, actually its been a while for me so my attitude is pretty shakey, I actually go about my daily business and i dont worry about who i meet. Those worries are long gone for me, I have to live my life no matter who is in it. When its the right time im sure that person will step forward and we will vibe, until then i keep it movin and do my thing. But i must say this the first person that is interested in me and we have chemistry and an attraction im going for it, i have been alone to long to pass a good situation up.

Skip Intro

02-20-2003, 11:05 AM

I am a 30 year old white guy and have had more relationships with black women than white. My most meaningful relationships were with black women. My daughter's mother is black. I hate stereotypes but my experiences with white women were very difficult. I am an artist and they always were preoccupied with my goals, finacially and how I could provide for them and never really cared about the essence of the love. And then there was always the issue of what their parents would think since I wasn't really preppy or fit the mold. I will say this though. I got dirty looks from both black and white walking around as a couple. But when you have a kid it changes everything like suddenly the relationship is legitimate or something. This, I think, is ****ed because alot of people see an interracial couple an assume it's all about the sex. I couldn't care less if people have a problem with it. Exactly, "love has no color."

Bill Blake

02-20-2003, 11:06 AM

Originally posted by Ashaki:
I am not angry I am simply a Black woman who believes that interracial dating has become a problem within the Black community. This is not a personal attack. I want to know why brothers are looking for love else where.Who are you to speak for the ‘black community’?

Maybe the problem is your view on interracial relationships.

Seem to me like your problems are personal, and yet you project that shit to the whole 'black community'.

konbit

02-20-2003, 11:06 AM

I think that the real question is:

Why aren't more black and Latina women dating white guys (hint, hint) ;) :D

larry rauson

02-20-2003, 11:06 AM

[][/QUOTE]So it was wrong for them to be slaves to the white man but slaves to their communities families and black women...thats Ok?

Just what 'obligation' do they have to you?[/QB][/QUOTE]

Societal dictates, Mr Lennox, just as in other cultures, your catholic,marry catholic, you chinese,(esp women), you marry chinese, the obligation may only be perception based on cultural time, not factual, but real none the less. More later, as my thoughts solidify

Larry

formerly known as kenspank

02-20-2003, 11:07 AM

while a pre-teen and a teenager, i confess i dated some white girls and some latinas. white girls families weren't really feelin me. my mother wasn't really feelin me dating white girls so she proceeded to make my life into a living hades.
the latinas' families weren't really feelin me either. latinos don't really get along with each other and they sure as hell don't like to acknowledge the black latino presence in the domincan republic, puerto rico, colombia, venezuela, costa rica, mexico, peru, brazil and elsewhere.
needless to say i gave up on that shit.

i started a mission to save the nap.

the nap is an endangered species. only black people have nappy hair. many of us hate it because its not as straight as our caucasian brothers' and sisters' hair and its definitely not as straight as asian people's hair. so we heat treat our hair and chemically treat our hair to straighten it.
meanwhile, caucasians have gotten perms just so they could sport afros and japanese build expensive machines so they develop dread locks.

with all of this intercultural dating, people seem to be missing something.....they are also mixing up the gene pool.

for instance, bob marley's father was irish and his mother was black. only white people get melanoma. guess what? bob marley's father passed on that melanoma ass gene to bob marley and bob was outta there (may he rest in peace).

nevertheless, colored people tend to mate with fairer skinned people because they believe that their fairer skinned offspring will be able to acheive more success.

needless to say, i think that's a bunch of hogwash. i believe that dark skin, nappy hair and big boodies are all highly cultivated genetic tools that aid in human survival in this earth environment.

i understand that many don't agree with me. some think that being born black is a handicap. not me. i'm glad to have the opportunity to pass on the nap to my offspring. you should be glad too.

save the nap!

Koffy Brown

02-20-2003, 11:07 AM

Originally posted by RonnieRon:
<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by Ashaki:
<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by Jamie Lennox:
Do you think the world owes you a black man?The world owes me nothing, but do I think that black men should have some obligation to their families, communities and Black women you are damn right.[/QUOTE]Ashaki, I here ya, but what do you when time after time, after time, after time, you are turned down shunned looked down upon and just plain over looked no one wants to be lonely. you pick who is interested in you. and believe me I aint no Shabba Ranks either. I say date who is interested in you. Hell if i wait for a black woman ill be 50 years old and still single. Im goin for who wants me Color does not matter when you have been what i have been through.[/QUOTE]*screaming* Ronnie, I have been dogged, numerous time and time again by Black men, my ex-husband, my father, friends, etc...but they are an intrical part of my being and I personally don't think I can experience love in it's full capacity with anyone other than a Black man...this is just me, not saying it can't work for others...

And another thing, I was hoping this thread could bring about some positive solutions between Black men and women...We have established early on already that "love has no color", so if you are offended by what's being said here, then maybe this isn't the thread for you, because I know some feet are going to get stepped on and some feelings hurt, if we are truthful in our responses...

Peace

martin

02-20-2003, 11:08 AM

Originally posted by Ashaki:
<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by martin s:
Ashaki you say it hurts 'us' - do you think that it also hurts the white girl, or whatever race she may be?

It's hard enough to find a soulmate or real love in this life. When you do why should race put obstacles in it's way?

My wife is of a different race to me - and my children are mixed race. Ashaki surely what someone else does in their life has no effect on you. If you don't want a mixed race relationship then don't have one. But it works for me, and I couldn't care less what anyone of my race, my wife's race or any other race thinks about it because it has nothing to do with them how I live my life.I do not want anyone to take this personal. I am fully aware that not every Black man will marry a Black woman and so on and so forth. I am not angry I am simply a Black woman who believes that interracial dating has become a problem within the Black community. This is not a personal attack. I want to know why brothers are looking for love else where.[/QUOTE]I'm not taking any offence, you are entitled to your opinion.

Why do you think it is a problem in the black community?

Again Ashaki, you say it hurts 'us' - do you think that it also hurts the white girl, or whatever race she may be?

It's hard enough to find a soulmate or real love in this life. When you do why should race put obstacles in it's way?

Koffy Brown

02-20-2003, 11:10 AM

Originally posted by Jamie Lennox:
<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by Ashaki:
I am not angry I am simply a Black woman who believes that interracial dating has become a problem within the Black community. This is not a personal attack. I want to know why brothers are looking for love else where.Who are you to speak for the ‘black community’?

Maybe the problem is your view on interracial relationships.

Seem to me like your problems are personal, and yet you project that shit to the whole 'black community'.[/QUOTE]Jamie I will not entertain you....

GROOVE VICTIM

02-20-2003, 11:10 AM

Ashaki, how about changing your lifestyle or something within your current lifestyle that causes you to attract these men that have consistantly "dogged" you in your past. That's an approach I have taken and it is working for me so far. Just a thought.

Peace

Bill Blake

02-20-2003, 11:14 AM

Originally posted by kenspank:
while a pre-teen and a teenager, i confess i dated some white girls and some latinas. white girls families weren't really feelin me. my mother wasn't really feelin me dating white girls so she proceeded to make my life into a living hades.
the latinas' families weren't really feelin me either. latinos don't really get along with each other and they sure as hell don't like to acknowledge the black latino presence in the domincan republic, puerto rico, colombia, venezuela, costa rica, mexico, peru, brazil and elsewhere.
needless to say i gave up on that shit.

i started a mission to save the nap.

the nap is an endangered species. only black people have nappy hair. many of us hate it because its not as straight as our caucasian brothers' and sisters' hair and its definitely not as straight as asian people's hair. so we heat treat our hair and chemically treat our hair to straighten it.
meanwhile, caucasians have gotten perms just so they could sport afros and japanese build expensive machines so they develop dread locks.

with all of this intercultural dating, people seem to be missing something.....they are also mixing up the gene pool.

for instance, bob marley's father was irish and his mother was black. only white people get melanoma. guess what? bob marley's father passed on that melanoma ass gene to bob marley and bob was outta there (may he rest in peace).

nevertheless, colored people tend to mate with fairer skinned people because they believe that their fairer skinned offspring will be able to acheive more success.

needless to say, i think that's a bunch of hogwash. i believe that dark skin, nappy hair and big boodies are all highly cultivated genetic tools that aid in human survival in this earth environment.

i understand that many don't agree with me. some think that being born black is a handicap. not me. i'm glad to have the opportunity to pass on the nap to my offspring. you should be glad too.

save the nap!Philosophically, there is no difference between ‘save the nap’ and ‘preserve the Arian race’

A bunch of racist bullshit. Nothing to be proud of there.

Koffy Brown

02-20-2003, 11:14 AM

You know what, I will not come on here and sing Kumbaya and We Are the World, because in my reality it ain't like that...

If you found love in a mate other than a Black woman and you are a Black man...so be it, my question is to the Brotha's, what is it that we as Black women are doing wrong? Are you just interested in women of other races? Are we not attracted to you? What is the deal?

There was a survey published a couple of months ago that said that Black women are the last to marry? To me this is some serious shit. That means that everyone else is getting married but us? Why? Is it because Black men are marrying other women? Black men aren't marrying? homosexuality? what? Just trying to get some serious dialogue going...

Koffy Brown

02-20-2003, 11:16 AM

Originally posted by GROOVE VICTIM:
Ashaki, how about changing your lifestyle or something within your current lifestyle that causes you to attract these men that have consistantly "dogged" you in your past. That's an approach I have taken and it is working for me so far. Just a thought.

PeaceGroove it's not that...My lifestyle is just fine for me, I no longer attract those type of men, because I am no longer that type of woman. I will wait on the right Black man for me, and that means that I may be alone for a long time, but so be it, that's what I've chosen.

This topic is not to be personal but to be educational.

Bill Blake

02-20-2003, 11:17 AM

Originally posted by Ashaki:
<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by Jamie Lennox:
<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by Ashaki:
I am not angry I am simply a Black woman who believes that interracial dating has become a problem within the Black community. This is not a personal attack. I want to know why brothers are looking for love else where.Who are you to speak for the ‘black community’?

Maybe the problem is your view on interracial relationships.

Seem to me like your problems are personal, and yet you project that shit to the whole 'black community'.[/QUOTE]Jamie I will not entertain you....[/QUOTE]Because you know Im RIGHT!

You would just rather evade reality....which is what you are doing.

Is some black guy wants to date a white woman or midget or whatever:

The simple fact is its none of your goddamn business and not your concern.

So ask yourself why and what is REALLY is your concerned about….let me guess the ‘state of the black community’?????????????

Who’s fooling who?

Not me.

Ish

02-20-2003, 11:18 AM

Originally posted by Wild i:

The only inner conflict I suffer from in this arena is being torn between my love of the great melting pot vs the preservation of cultural uniqueness. I guess it's a balancing act.I am glad you brought this up because to me this is the real issue here.

I am not african american, but I respect the rich history and cultural heritage that african americans possess.

I think in an interracial relationship, there is the potential for that heritage to be lost in the shuffle. JUST the potential though. I have had quite a few mixed friends who were very active in politics and cultural preservation. It all depends on the individual case really.

TO say it has become an epidemic I am not sure. I do see more interracial relationships, but I never knew it was imbalanced in a way that african-american women felt they had no potential with african-american men.

It seems in the last 10 years there have been an influx of movies and pop icons putting forth a positive image of a healthy african-american relationship (Love Jones, Common and Badu, ect..)

But it wasn't too long ago either that Spike threw jungle fever at us, so, I guess it goes both ways.

I guess all I can say ashaki is to try and focus on character and intellect. Ultimately even if you wish to mend what seems to be a big problem in your eyes, you still at the end of the day will have only your own self and emotions to deal with.

Koffy Brown

02-20-2003, 11:18 AM

Originally posted by martin s:
<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by Ashaki:
<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by martin s:
[qb]Ashaki you say it hurts 'us' - do you think that it also hurts the white girl, or whatever race she may be?

It's hard enough to find a soulmate or real love in this life. When you do why should race put obstacles in it's way?

My wife is of a different race to me - and my children are mixed race. Ashaki surely what someone else does in their life has no effect on you. If you don't want a mixed race relationship then don't have one. But it works for me, and I couldn't care less what anyone of my race, my wife's race or any other race thinks about it because it has nothing to do with them how I live my life.I do not want anyone to take this personal. I am fully aware that not every Black man will marry a Black woman and so on and so forth. I am not angry I am simply a Black woman who believes that interracial dating has become a problem within the Black community. This is not a personal attack. I want to know why brothers are looking for love else where.[/QUOTE]I'm not taking any offence, you are entitled to your opinion.

Why do you think it is a problem in the black community?

Again Ashaki, you say it hurts 'us' - do you think that it also hurts the white girl, or whatever race she may be?

qb][/QUOTE]Martin, unfortunately or maybe fortunately my concern is not that of the woman of the other race. She HAS the Black man am I right?

[ February 20, 2003, 11:21 AM: Message edited by: Ashaki ]

Ronnie Ron

02-20-2003, 11:19 AM

I love my black sistas they are the most beautiful creatures GOD ever put on this earth,
Im hoping one will step up and compliment my life.

If not I will be happy regardless, As long as you are happy within all else is icing on the cake.

Koffy Brown

02-20-2003, 11:23 AM

Originally posted by RonnieRon:
I love my black sistas they are the most beautiful creatures GOD ever put on this earth,
Im hoping one will step up and compliment my life.

If not I will be happy regardless, As long as you are happy within all else is icing on the cake.I agree Ronnie, but why do you keep saying you hope she will step up. What King do you know waits around for what he wants, he doesn't, he ask and he receives...happiness is extremely important and I think you are truly aware and understand my point on this. She's out there brotha, you just have to ask for her..

D J 1 3 8

02-20-2003, 11:25 AM

[QUOTE]Originally posted by Ashaki:
[QB][QUOTE]We have established early on already that "love has no color", so if you are offended by what's being said here, then maybe this isn't the thread for youQUOTE]

The concept of "Love has no color" and your problems with inter-racial dating are completely contradictary. You can't have it both ways.

You seem to be saying love should have a color.

Strom Thurmond doesn't like "race-mixing" either. I don't see where your argument differs from people like him, other than your motivations are not based on hate and fear, but rather some kind of idealic self-preservation for the "black community".

Koffy Brown

02-20-2003, 11:27 AM

Originally posted by Ish:
<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by Wild i:

The only inner conflict I suffer from in this arena is being torn between my love of the great melting pot vs the preservation of cultural uniqueness. I guess it's a balancing act.I am glad you brought this up because to me this is the real issue here.

I am not african american, but I respect the rich history and cultural heritage that african americans possess.

I think in an interracial relationship, there is the potential for that heritage to be lost in the shuffle. JUST the potential though. I have had quite a few mixed friends who were very active in politics and cultural preservation. It all depends on the individual case really.

TO say it has become an epidemic I am not sure. I do see more interracial relationships, but I never knew it was imbalanced in a way that african-american women felt they had no potential with african-american men.

It seems in the last 10 years there have been an influx of movies and pop icons putting forth a positive image of a healthy african-american relationship (Love Jones, Common and Badu, ect..)

But it wasn't too long ago either that Spike threw jungle fever at us, so, I guess it goes both ways.

I guess all I can say ashaki is to try and focus on character and intellect. Ultimately even if you wish to mend what seems to be a big problem in your eyes, you still at the end of the day will have only your own self and emotions to deal with.[/QUOTE]Before anybody starts with bullshit I can not and will not say that I am speaking for the whole race of Black women give me a break.

Unfortunately the problem isn't just in my eyes, every issue of Essence for the last year has had topics on interracial dating, and the short end of the stick that Black women are getting. My mother is single, my aunts are single, friends are single, co-workers are single. I'm not making this up, this is REAL. Think of how many single Black women you know, and ask yourself, is she single because she just loves being by herself?

02-20-2003, 11:27 AM

Interracial Dating? I am latino, and I have dated all women of different races such as Puerto Rican, White, Korean, Mexican, Italian and Black. I just gotta say "Let people love who they want". I never feel like I am selling out my race by dating outside my race. I think thinking that way is so played out!! My last girlfriend was mixed Black and Korean, and she made me feel like no other women was able to make me feel.

[ February 20, 2003, 01:20 PM: Message edited by: Michael J. Carmona ]

Drrtynewyork

02-20-2003, 11:27 AM

i dont discriminate, white, latin , asian, black whateverrr its all the same just different color graemlins/1luvu.gif but ive never dated a black woman.

martin

02-20-2003, 11:28 AM

Ashaki you say that this thread is not meant to be personal - but how can it not be? I think your issues surrounding this subject are personal to you and something you need to come to terms with.

Jamie Lennox - I have to agree with everything you have said in this thread.

Koffy Brown

02-20-2003, 11:29 AM

Originally posted by DJ 138:
[QUOTE]Originally posted by Ashaki:
[QB][QUOTE]We have established early on already that "love has no color", so if you are offended by what's being said here, then maybe this isn't the thread for youQUOTE]

The concept of "Love has no color" and your problems with inter-racial dating are completely contradictary. You can't have it both ways.

You seem to be saying love should have a color.

Strom Thurmond doesn't like "race-mixing" either. I don't see where your argument differs from people like him, other than your motivations are not based on hate and fear, but rather some kind of idealic self-preservation for the "black community".I know that you can love whomever you want, that's what I mean by love has no color and besides I know that is going to be repeated a thousand times in this thread..

Ronnie Ron

02-20-2003, 11:30 AM

Originally posted by Ashaki:
my question is to the Brotha's, what is it that we as Black women are doing wrong? Are you just interested in women of other races? Are we not attracted to you? What is the deal?
Its not a question of being attractive, Anyone that says a black woman is not attractive has ROCKS in there head. I personally like a woman that is easy going, Drama Queens need not apply. I enjoy peace in my life and i dont want anyone *uckin up my flow, Attitude is number one on my list many woman (Black,White,Latino) have to much attitude in general, Relax, take a deep breath and mellow out a bit. In my opinion A Mellow, down to earth even tempored woman will get my attention every time. A loud mouth know it all, I want Bling Bling, Drama Queen always runnin her mouth female is a turn off no matter what color.

GROOVE VICTIM

02-20-2003, 11:32 AM

Originally posted by Ashaki:

This topic is not to be personal but to be educational.No one on this board is an expert on the topic at hand so by default we all bring our personal views and experiences to the table. My perception to many of these problems that we are discussing now really don't have much to do with race when you really think about it. It's more about personal issues with ones self and the color of someone's skin so happens to be a part of someone's personal remedy due to bad experiences or lack of knowledge. Our mothers always told us to move away from a hot stove, but did we listen, of course not. So, we get burned. Some of us learned from this lesson, some of us perpetuate it throughout life. It's up to us to take the initiate to "Just Do it" and change behavior patterns that put us in bad situations that have been visited before. If not, then we're doomed to a life of sorrow.

Peace

Koffy Brown

02-20-2003, 11:33 AM

The point of this thread was to get answers to specific questions I asked of Black men. It is a topic that I've been wanting to discuss. I never said that anyone who dates outside of their race was a sell-out or anything of that nature, I want to know, what's the problem with Black men and women?

Koffy Brown

02-20-2003, 11:35 AM

Mack-Williams

02-20-2003, 11:36 AM

This is what I have learned. You have to be aggressive. I learned this from some of my friends. Approach every women you see. Some of my friends aren't the most attractive guys and they aren't ballers, but they be pulling some fine ass black women. Don't be scared of rejection and be yourself. Out of 10 tries you will get one. I say this for women too. Don't sit back and wait on guys to approach you. Approach some guys.

Drrtynewyork

02-20-2003, 11:38 AM

with so many beautiful women in this melting pot, how can we stick to only one race!!?? graemlins/1luvu.gif

Ronnie Ron

02-20-2003, 11:39 AM

Originally posted by Ashaki:
<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by RonnieRon:
<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by Ashaki:
my question is to the Brotha's, what is it that we as Black women are doing wrong? Are you just interested in women of other races? Are we not attracted to you? What is the deal?
Its not a question of being attractive, Anyone that says a black woman is not attractive has ROCKS in there head. I personally like a woman that is easy going, Drama Queens need not apply. I enjoy peace in my life and i dont want anyone *uckin up my flow, Attitude is number one on my list many woman (Black,White,Latino) have to much attitude in general, Relax, take a deep breath and mellow out a bit. In my opinion A Mellow, down to earth even tempored woman will get my attention every time. A loud mouth know it all, I want Bling Bling, Drama Queen always runnin her mouth female is a turn off no matter what color.[/QUOTE]I can dig it. No drama queens regardless of race, AND your not saying that you date outside of your race because BLACK women are drama queens...am I on the right track...[/QUOTE]Your on the right track.
Actually i havent dated outside my race in many many many years, but it does not mean i wont give it a try if I am approached in the right manor and the situation if comfortable for me. but i would perfer to date a black woman.

Leslie

02-20-2003, 11:39 AM

Originally posted by Ashaki:
The point of this thread was to get answers to specific questions I asked of Black men. It is a topic that I've been wanting to discuss. I never said that anyone who dates outside of their race was a sell-out or anything of that nature, I want to know, what's the problem with Black men and women?You may NEVER get an answer that will satisfy you - how do you propse to move beyond that?

Koffy Brown

02-20-2003, 11:40 AM

Originally posted by RonnieRon:
<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by Ashaki:
my question is to the Brotha's, what is it that we as Black women are doing wrong? Are you just interested in women of other races? Are we not attracted to you? What is the deal?
Its not a question of being attractive, Anyone that says a black woman is not attractive has ROCKS in there head. I personally like a woman that is easy going, Drama Queens need not apply. I enjoy peace in my life and i dont want anyone *uckin up my flow, Attitude is number one on my list many woman (Black,White,Latino) have to much attitude in general, Relax, take a deep breath and mellow out a bit. In my opinion A Mellow, down to earth even tempored woman will get my attention every time. A loud mouth know it all, I want Bling Bling, Drama Queen always runnin her mouth female is a turn off no matter what color.[/QUOTE]This is what I'm asking, I've had talks with brothers who specifically date White women and they say they do so because Black women are this or Black women are that...it hits home, my cousin is dating this White woman and he says he is doing so because "she takes good care of him" which means, she does everything for him, he's in complete control of the relationship, and he came up with the excuse that Black women are problematic...well this is the same Black man who has 4 kids by 2 different women which he takes care of none, and this woman allows him to be happy go lucky without even a remote regard to his responsibility. The last sista he dated, would tell him, let's go get your son, is everything okay with child support, blah blah blah...after awhile, he claims she was nagging him. Now he's in a trouble free relationship...

Jamie 3:26

02-20-2003, 11:41 AM

Hey Ashaki,to the post I made earlier,I posted one sid eof the coin.Now to talk about the other side.I think a lot of brothers go outside of the race due to personal issues and not being able to handle a sister.

Black women are very opinionated and strong.A lot of men can not handle that.I actually do not want a docile woman,just a woman who knows to shut the hell up at times.....now of course that is not meant as a negative statement.

We Brothers do have to step up more to the plate.Black women have carried us for far to long.I try to talk to cats who are not doing right by themselves,their families,their childrean,their people.

Me wanting to help out my folks does not make me a racist and I wish folks would understand that.Would it be better if we asked white folks to help us out?

Ashaki,I have some views that I would like to voice,but honestly,I am not going to get into it.

I do not want to get pissed off today.

GROOVE VICTIM

02-20-2003, 11:42 AM

Two words:

Personal Issues!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Think about it!!!

Peace

Koffy Brown

02-20-2003, 11:45 AM

Originally posted by JAMIE 3:26:
Hey Ashaki,to the post I made earlier,I posted one sid eof the coin.Now to talk about the other side.I think a lot of brothers go outside of the race due to personal issues and not being able to handle a sister.

Black women are very opinionated and strong.A lot of men can not handle that.I actually do not want a docile woman,just a woman who knows to shut the hell up at times.....now of course that is not meant as a negative statement.

We Brothers do have to step up more to the plate.Black women have carried us for far to long.I try to talk to cats who are not doing right by themselves,their families,their childrean,their people.

Me wanting to help out my folks does not make me a racist and I wish folks would understand that.Would it be better if we asked white folks to help us out?

Ashaki,I have some views that I would like to voice,but honestly,I am not going to get into it.

I do not want to get pissed off today.A lot of people may think that I am tripping, this was also a heated topic on a talk radio station here. Sisters were calling in, in tears, brothers on the other hand were calling in making jokes.

Jamie, thanks, and I knew that we were not going to be able to discuss this, in this forum on the level that I think it deserves.

Peace

formerly known as kenspank

02-20-2003, 11:46 AM

Originally posted by Ashaki:
<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by RonnieRon:
<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by Ashaki:
<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by Jamie Lennox:
Do you think the world owes you a black man?The world owes me nothing, but do I think that black men should have some obligation to their families, communities and Black women you are damn right.[/QUOTE]Ashaki, I here ya, but what do you when time after time, after time, after time, you are turned down shunned looked down upon and just plain over looked no one wants to be lonely. you pick who is interested in you. and believe me I aint no Shabba Ranks either. I say date who is interested in you. Hell if i wait for a black woman ill be 50 years old and still single. Im goin for who wants me Color does not matter when you have been what i have been through.[/QUOTE]*screaming* Ronnie, I have been dogged, numerous time and time again by Black men, my ex-husband, my father, friends, etc...but they are an intrical part of my being and I personally don't think I can experience love in it's full capacity with anyone other than a Black man...this is just me, not saying it can't work for others...

And another thing, I was hoping this thread could bring about some positive solutions between Black men and women...We have established early on already that "love has no color", so if you are offended by what's being said here, then maybe this isn't the thread for you, because I know some feet are going to get stepped on and some feelings hurt, if we are truthful in our responses...

Peace[/QUOTE]youth learn how to relate to others of the opposite sex from how the parents relate to each other.

inadvertently we teach our children to get involved in relationships that are mutually unfulfilling and stay in those relationships. we also inadvertently teach our youth to have sex for recreation with people you don't necessarily like. we don't teach our kids how to have sex for recreation and not for procreation. subsequently, they end up perpetuating family situations where the mother and the father had sex with each other to further their own personal self-intersts (orgasm), but didn't really like each other to begin with.

if you spend time with people you only pretend to like, your relationship is doomed...period. if you have kids with people you don't like, your kids will get into relationships with people they don't like.

60% of black youth are born into single parent homes. this statistic is alarming. the girls learn that men are disposable only worth as much as the money they can provide for them and their children and the boys just try to keep who ever their having sex with from getting pregnant. fat chance with very little sexual education.

somebody's either gotta get therapy or stand up, take a chance and make better choices with their life.

GROOVE VICTIM

02-20-2003, 11:47 AM

Ashaki, why aren't we able to discuss this. IMO I see a very healthy dialogue going on. Help me see your perspective.

Peace

larry rauson

02-20-2003, 11:48 AM

One of the problems (imo) with the relationships between Black men and women, stem from the chains that mass media has on us. Black women may be a little more suscepible, to this cuz they have these angry post feminist women writing these articles in
Essence, Black Woman, Sisters, and other publications targeted AT them, and they get a twisted idea of what they want in a man, and become very disappointesd, when they find out that that man don't exist. I think some sisters are to caught in materialism,not necessarily her's, but his. Just a quick illustration from my trainwreck relationship history, I once had a significant other ask me, and I quote "When are you going to buy me MY gold necklace?" To which I replied, "if it's yours, why do I have to buy it for you?" This one didn't last long after that little exchange...just an example...

Larry

Koffy Brown

02-20-2003, 11:51 AM

Originally posted by kenspank:
<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by Ashaki:
<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by RonnieRon:
<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by Ashaki:
<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by Jamie Lennox:
Do you think the world owes you a black man?The world owes me nothing, but do I think that black men should have some obligation to their families, communities and Black women you are damn right.[/QUOTE]Ashaki, I here ya, but what do you when time after time, after time, after time, you are turned down shunned looked down upon and just plain over looked no one wants to be lonely. you pick who is interested in you. and believe me I aint no Shabba Ranks either. I say date who is interested in you. Hell if i wait for a black woman ill be 50 years old and still single. Im goin for who wants me Color does not matter when you have been what i have been through.[/QUOTE]*screaming* Ronnie, I have been dogged, numerous time and time again by Black men, my ex-husband, my father, friends, etc...but they are an intrical part of my being and I personally don't think I can experience love in it's full capacity with anyone other than a Black man...this is just me, not saying it can't work for others...

And another thing, I was hoping this thread could bring about some positive solutions between Black men and women...We have established early on already that "love has no color", so if you are offended by what's being said here, then maybe this isn't the thread for you, because I know some feet are going to get stepped on and some feelings hurt, if we are truthful in our responses...

Peace[/QUOTE]youth learn how to relate to others of the opposite sex from how the parents relate to each other.

inadvertently we teach our children to get involved in relationships that are mutually unfulfilling and stay in those relationships. we also inadvertently teach our youth to have sex for recreation with people you don't necessarily like. we don't teach our kids how to have sex for recreation and not for procreation. subsequently, they end up perpetuating family situations where the mother and the father had sex with each other to further their own personal self-intersts (orgasm), but didn't really like each other to begin with.

if you spend time with people you only pretend to like, your relationship is doomed...period. if you have kids with people you don't like, your kids will get into relationships with people they don't like.

60% of black youth are born into single parent homes. this statistic is alarming. the girls learn that men are disposable only worth as much as the money they can provide for them and their children and the boys just try to keep who ever their having sex with from getting pregnant. fat chance with very little sexual education.

somebody's either gotta get therapy or stand up, take a chance and make better choices with their life.[/QUOTE]I agree kids learn from their parents...

So yes my boys are royalty, and they already have an understanding...

For those of you who don't think that this is a problem...a friend of mine called me about a week ago, he has a son who's in 8th grade, and he told me that he was happy his son is dating a lil black girl. I'm like why wouldn't he, he said because "white girls" are the "IN THING"...where is the lil black girls ...personal issues in this, she's not the "in thing" right now...and I won't repeat why he said that they were....

Leslie

02-20-2003, 11:53 AM

Originally posted by GROOVE VICTIM:
Ashaki, why aren't we able to discuss this. IMO I see a very healthy dialogue going on. Help me see your perspective.

PeaceGroove this ain't dead yet - as a Sista, I agree with alot of what has been said here by various peoples - keep on livin' and at some point you make peace with certain things in life you NEVER would have thought possible previously....again I ask, if you never get the answer that satifies you, how do you propse to move forward?

mhd

02-20-2003, 11:54 AM

Originally posted by kenspank:

nevertheless, colored people tend to mate with fairer skinned people because they believe that their fairer skinned offspring will be able to acheive more success.

needless to say, i think that's a bunch of hogwash. i believe that dark skin, nappy hair and big boodies are all highly cultivated genetic tools that aid in human survival in this earth environment.

save the nap!got to disagree with one aspect of your post. when you say "colored people tend to mate with fairer skinned people" that is anecdotal at best, and perhaps too broad to carry any weight. if that were true there would be no dark skinned people. some people actually prefer dark skinned people. in fact, in your assertion, isn't the fair-skinned person manifesting a preference for the dark-skinned person? so the "tend" could actually go the other way everytime. in other words its just as valid to say that light-skinned people tend to mate with darker-skinned people.

SAVE THE NAPS!

Ronnie Ron

02-20-2003, 11:54 AM

Originally posted by larry rauson:
One of the problems (imo) with the relationships between Black men and women, stem from the chains that mass media has on us. Black women may be a little more suscepible, to this cuz they have these angry post feminist women writing these articles in
Essence, Black Woman, Sisters, and other publications targeted AT them, and they get a twisted idea of what they want in a man, and become very disappointesd, when they find out that that man don't exist. I think some sisters are to caught in materialism,not necessarily her's, but his. Just a quick illustration from my trainwreck relationship history, I once had a significant other ask me, and I quote "When are you going to buy me MY gold necklace?" To which I replied, "if it's yours, why do I have to buy it for you?" This one didn't last long after that little exchange...just an example...

LarryVery good anlasys of the subject. What ever happened to finding out if you click or if the person is a good person or if the person has your best interest at heart, First thing most women want to know is WHAT DO YOU DO FOR A LIVING graemlins/sleep.gif In other words what can you buy me and where can you take me and how am i gonna spend your money. While hiding behind the pretense that they want a man that can handle his business and be successfull..... Bullshit i say. Handle your own business and make your own money and take yo ass where you want to go. Dont look for a man to do everything for you be independant and handle yours, that way you wont be so materialistic and you can look for a brotha and what is in his heart and mind and not whats in his pocket!!!!

Koffy Brown

02-20-2003, 11:54 AM

Originally posted by larry rauson:
One of the problems (imo) with the relationships between Black men and women, stem from the chains that mass media has on us. Black women may be a little more suscepible, to this cuz they have these angry post feminist women writing these articles in
Essence, Black Woman, Sisters, and other publications targeted AT them, and they get a twisted idea of what they want in a man, and become very disappointesd, when they find out that that man don't exist. I think some sisters are to caught in materialism,not necessarily her's, but his. Just a quick illustration from my trainwreck relationship history, I once had a significant other ask me, and I quote "When are you going to buy me MY gold necklace?" To which I replied, "if it's yours, why do I have to buy it for you?" This one didn't last long after that little exchange...just an example...

LarryI agree Larry the whole media system is part to blame, not just magazines targeted at Black women but magazines targeted to Black men as well...

Well speaking of the media, we could go on forever and I am not good at expressing what I'm thinking the way I'm thinking it through a keyboard...but yes the system has definitely played apart in this...

what about history?

Fletch

02-20-2003, 11:55 AM

Got a feeling this is gonna be a hot one.

I will say this for myself. There was a time in my life were I needed to learn how to date. And at the same time, I realized that I needed to be more open with people.

And now, when dating, I am open to all. In addition to sisters, I've gone out with an Indian (Hindu), a Dominican and a Greek. And I've also gone out on plenty of occasions with older women. And in doing so, I've learned so much from all of the women I have dated. That does NOT mean I won't date a sista. I do. I'm just more open than I was in the past, and it's been a blessing when you are open to all and all ideas.

My thing is this: open your heart and date/marry someone (anyone) for the right reasons (character, intelligence, compatability. etc). Anyone who deals with the opposite sex for the wrong reasons will find the wrong reasons coming back at them at a later date. That nice round ass is fine (no problem with attractions), but may not necessarily be nice and round years down the line!!!!

And to the sisters: The constant worrying about interracial relationships will stress you out. That's right, I said it! I know too many people who are caught up in that type of worrying, and their attitude, as a result, may be turning potential mates away from them.

So open your heart, folks. Peace.

Jamie 3:26

02-20-2003, 11:56 AM

Originally posted by larry rauson:
One of the problems (imo) with the relationships between Black men and women, stem from the chains that mass media has on us. Black women may be a little more suscepible, to this cuz they have these angry post feminist women writing these articles in
Essence, Black Woman, Sisters, and other publications targeted AT them, and they get a twisted idea of what they want in a man, and become very disappointesd, when they find out that that man don't exist. I think some sisters are to caught in materialism,not necessarily her's, but his. Just a quick illustration from my trainwreck relationship history, I once had a significant other ask me, and I quote "When are you going to buy me MY gold necklace?" To which I replied, "if it's yours, why do I have to buy it for you?" This one didn't last long after that little exchange...just an example...

LarryLarry,you have hit it on the head.There is a mass attack in the media,mainly Black media that is basically tearing down Brothers,while not addressing the issues that the Sisters have also.

True there are Brothers who are not real men,but there is little or no focus on the real Brothers who do right.

I always hear women talking about there are no good men out here.There are,but he aint gonna ride up on no big horse with a damn cape on either,or riding in a 2004 Lexus neither.

I am not saying that women should lower their expectations,but to just be real and in the real world.

How can a woman expect so much from a man,have so many demands,when the only thing she is really offering is her body and a bunch of issues and bs attached?

We have a long way to go in order for us to have some kind of unity between us.

Edmund White

02-20-2003, 11:56 AM

GROOVE VICTIM

02-20-2003, 11:56 AM

I totally agree Leslie. I feel that you shouldn't give up on a subject that hits home to alot of people, more so than others. Again, I'm not an expert, but we all have something to share. We all have come from different walks of life, thus our approach to this subject matter has many roads of origin.

Peace

[ February 20, 2003, 11:56 AM: Message edited by: GROOVE VICTIM ]

mhd

02-20-2003, 11:58 AM

A - Don't go to seattle or minnesota, two hotbeds of inter-racial dating, where you are considered unusual as a black man to date a black woman

Koffy Brown

02-20-2003, 11:58 AM

Originally posted by Leslie:
<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by GROOVE VICTIM:
Ashaki, why aren't we able to discuss this. IMO I see a very healthy dialogue going on. Help me see your perspective.

PeaceGroove this ain't dead yet - as a Sista, I agree with alot of what has been said here by various peoples - keep on livin' and at some point you make peace with certain things in life you NEVER would have thought possible previously....again I ask, if you never get the answer that satifies you, how do you propse to move forward?[/QUOTE]You know what Leslie, I don't know ... The way I am personally going to move forward, is to date and love myself with all my power and strength and hopefully be able to find a Black man that I CAN BE REPRESENTIVE of with pride. I will also, make sure that MY 2 sons have a serious understanding of who they are, their environment and the importance of loving Black people uncondtionally....right now this is all I can say...

mhd

02-20-2003, 12:00 PM

Originally posted by DJ 138:
[QUOTE]Originally posted by Ashaki:
[QB][QUOTE]We have established early on already that "love has no color", so if you are offended by what's being said here, then maybe this isn't the thread for youQUOTE]

The concept of "Love has no color" and your problems with inter-racial dating are completely contradictary. You can't have it both ways.

You seem to be saying love should have a color.

Strom Thurmond doesn't like "race-mixing" either. I don't see where your argument differs from people like him, other than your motivations are not based on hate and fear, but rather some kind of idealic self-preservation for the "black community".uhh, that is a huge difference

[ February 20, 2003, 12:00 PM: Message edited by: mhd ]

mhd

02-20-2003, 12:02 PM

larry rauson

02-20-2003, 12:05 PM

but rather some kind of idealic self-preservation for the "black community".[/qb][/QUOTE][/QB][/QUOTE]

I would sincerely hope that there are more people than a few who have idealistic self preservation OF the black community operating at some level in their minds...

Larry

Ron la Rock

02-20-2003, 12:09 PM

Originally posted by Ashaki:
<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by JAMIE 3:26:
Hey Ashaki,to the post I made earlier,I posted one sid eof the coin.Now to talk about the other side.I think a lot of brothers go outside of the race due to personal issues and not being able to handle a sister.

Black women are very opinionated and strong.A lot of men can not handle that.I actually do not want a docile woman,just a woman who knows to shut the hell up at times.....now of course that is not meant as a negative statement.

We Brothers do have to step up more to the plate.Black women have carried us for far to long.I try to talk to cats who are not doing right by themselves,their families,their childrean,their people.

Me wanting to help out my folks does not make me a racist and I wish folks would understand that.Would it be better if we asked white folks to help us out?

Ashaki,I have some views that I would like to voice,but honestly,I am not going to get into it.

I do not want to get pissed off today.A lot of people may think that I am tripping, this was also a heated topic on a talk radio station here. Sisters were calling in, in tears, brothers on the other hand were calling in making jokes.

Jamie, thanks, and I knew that we were not going to be able to discuss this, in this forum on the level that I think it deserves.

Peace[/QUOTE]is it you think people can't discuss this
or ist people see things differently
I havent read the entire thread yet
(cause its jumpin real fast)
but when you put it out there pleae respect
the fact folk are gonna disagree and have many ,many
difference in viewpoints
I already disagree with many things I've seen and can still dig where your coming from

I've recently witnessed a forum a succesful black women a round table for newsweek
and as much as I was happy 2 see this my blood was boiling and stomach was in knots about how brothers were gettin the beatdown from these sisters who of coarse can't find a succesful brother or a shortage of brothers on & on etc...
while thier were same praise for thier fathers
and others (thank god)and they kept it real about being a sucessful minority period

YET the biggest complaint of coarse all the brothers dating outside the race
if were so ****ed up how come these white women
are snactching brothers up as claimed?

If I'm no good(can't do this don't relate 2 this or that & when you do your a wierdo or your gay you wanna be somthing your not blah,blah,blah) how come someone else can see the good in me?

I saw a movie in a while ago & and the older sister said
"you young girls are 2 interested in what a man drives
instead of finding out what drives the man"

and i got much love period
continue:
(ventin graemlins/cussing.gif )

I'll egt into this laterz

[ February 20, 2003, 12:13 PM: Message edited by: Ron paizley ]

n.y.c.h.a

02-20-2003, 12:10 PM

GROOVE VICTIM

02-20-2003, 12:12 PM

The same goes for Mexicans, Italians, Jews, Muslims, Christians.............

Koffy Brown

02-20-2003, 12:15 PM

Originally posted by Ron paizley:
<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by Ashaki:
<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by JAMIE 3:26:
Hey Ashaki,to the post I made earlier,I posted one sid eof the coin.Now to talk about the other side.I think a lot of brothers go outside of the race due to personal issues and not being able to handle a sister.

Black women are very opinionated and strong.A lot of men can not handle that.I actually do not want a docile woman,just a woman who knows to shut the hell up at times.....now of course that is not meant as a negative statement.

We Brothers do have to step up more to the plate.Black women have carried us for far to long.I try to talk to cats who are not doing right by themselves,their families,their childrean,their people.

Me wanting to help out my folks does not make me a racist and I wish folks would understand that.Would it be better if we asked white folks to help us out?

Ashaki,I have some views that I would like to voice,but honestly,I am not going to get into it.

I do not want to get pissed off today.A lot of people may think that I am tripping, this was also a heated topic on a talk radio station here. Sisters were calling in, in tears, brothers on the other hand were calling in making jokes.

Jamie, thanks, and I knew that we were not going to be able to discuss this, in this forum on the level that I think it deserves.

Peace[/QUOTE]is it you think people can't discuss this
or ist people see things differently
I havent read the entire thread yet
(cause its jumpin real fast)
but when you put it out there pleae respect
the fact folk are gonna disagree and have many ,many
difference in viewpoints
I already disagree with many things I've seen and can still dig where your coming from

I've recently witnessed a forum a succesful black women a round table for newsweek
and as much as i was happy 2 see this my blood was boiling and stomach was in knots about how brothers were gettin the beatdown from these sister who of coarse can't a succesful brother or a shortage of brothers on & on etc...
YET the biggest complaint of coarse all the brothers dating outside the race
if were so ****ed up how come these white women
are snactching brothers up as claimed?

If I'm no good(can't do this don't relate 2 this or that & when you do your a wierdo or your gay you wanna be somthing your not blah,blah,blah) how come someone else can see the good in me?

I saw a movie in a while ago & and the older sister said
"you young girls are 2 interested in what a man drives
instead of finding out what drives the man"

and i got much love period
continue:
(ventin graemlins/cussing.gif )

I'll egt into this laterz[/QUOTE]I know everyone isn't going to agree with me or be able to an answer I think is the right answer, and I'm cool with that.

Ron, there are more Black women driving fly whips than men. And on top of that, they are getting them legitimately, working hard, having money in a savings account, and not having a problem dating a brother who doesn't have it...

now there may be some realllllly young girls, not women who are still into this..

Martin Red

02-20-2003, 12:16 PM

I worked with a friend that has gone out with white girls but wouldn't want mixed race kids, would prefere to keep it same colour, his sperm, do as you will. How do people feel about the visa versa of this same thing ?, a white person saying it , try not to be hypocrites though.

Why limit yourself, love is love!
but,
One persons poison is another persons passion.

[ February 20, 2003, 12:17 PM: Message edited by: Martin Red ]

Ronnie Ron

02-20-2003, 12:17 PM

Originally posted by Ron paizley:
"you young girls are 2 interested in what a man drives
instead of finding out what drives the man"

[/QB]Now thats what the *UCK im talkin about, True ass words!!!! hail.gif hail.gif

Koffy Brown

02-20-2003, 12:18 PM

I may be wrong about this but if I am I know someone will correct me...

the difference between successful black women and successful black men, is that once black men become successful, they seek and marry white women. successful black women have a tendancy to seek out successful black men... brothers act as if white women are their trophy for success...jmo

surreal

02-20-2003, 12:19 PM

Off the bat, I just want to say that I respect your opinion, however I do not agree with it. I feel that this ideology implicitly reinforces segregation: It turns African-Americans against Anglos and Anglos against African-Americans; it teaches children to believe that the only way to be strong is to stay with their "own kind." Doesn't this sound familiar? I thought equality is what MLK put his life on the line for? "Ethnic" -- and I use this term to illustrate my point, I personally don't care for the word -- empowerment is a great movement, however, and please forgive me if I offend anyone, but ignorance isn't. You can't fight ignorance with ignorance and expect to improve society, but you can educate to create unity.

Originally posted by Ashaki:
<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by Jamie Lennox:
Do you think the world owes you a black man?The world owes me nothing, but do I think that black men should have some obligation to their families, communities and Black women you are damn right.[/QUOTE]

Ronnie Ron

02-20-2003, 12:20 PM

Originally posted by Ashaki:
having money in a savings account, and not having a problem dating a brother who doesn't have it...

Ashaki i would have to see it to believe it. i havent seen any evidence of this statement not in my area anyway.

Jamie 3:26

02-20-2003, 12:21 PM

Originally posted by Ashaki:
I may be wrong about this but if I am I know someone will correct me...

the difference between successful black women and successful black men, is that once black men become successful, they seek and marry white women. successful black women have a tendancy to seek out successful black men... brothers act as if white women are their trophy for success...jmoYeah,you may be right on one point,but the successful sisters would not want a man that is not on the same level as them.

They also want an armpiece.It's better to rub in someone's face,your man is a top doctor or lawyer,rather than a damn good mechanic or technician.

It's all about show and tell.I am just glad I found someone who is not as superficial as some of these women out here.

Chip_E

02-20-2003, 12:21 PM

I wish I could remember the name of the movie where they answered this question.
The answer was (and still is) "**** Everybody".

I'm saying that we need more mixing of the races until everybody is purple. "**** Everybody".

I mean, is one person more compatible with another because of the color of their skin?
Hell no! "**** Everybody".

I mean, let's take an extreme...a brother from an all White area. He went to school with White folks, works with White folks, and only knows Black folks on TV.
Should he marry a sister that only knows Black folks, never even met a White person?
And if they love each other, why shouldn't they marry?
See the only reason I have for being in a relationship is because I find myself compatible with the other person. Not because of their skin, their looks, their speach, their education, their dress, their bank account.

As someone else said, it's difficult enough to find someone that you're compatible with. When you start to put up barriers, you end up having a tougher time.

Love doesn't care about race, religion or gender.
"**** Everybody".

Now I will say that there's another important consideration...FAMILY. A marriage is not just a union of two people, but a union of two families.
The families should also be compatible.
A couple that has the mutual support of their families, has a better chance of success than a couple that doesn't have their family's support.
This is regardless of race, religion or gender.
Family is important.

-e.

TonyB

02-20-2003, 12:21 PM

Ashiki, I have to agree with your post. As an African American male, I too wonder sometimes about reasoning behind mate selection of "SOME" African Americans --- male & female. Some very high profile Blacks (athletes, entertainers) seem to be very open to dating and marrying outside of their group (which is their right to do so if they choose), however, I'm quite sure that many of these same people dated exclusively within the race before the notoriety. It makes you wonder what changed after the fact.

As far as us 'regular folk', I don't think that Black men date outside our race to a degree any larger than any other groups. To the contrary, various studies have shown that as a people, Black Americans are probably the least likely to date outside of the race (sorry I can't site the link).

As far as what Jaimie said about sisters' not being interested in certain types of brothers (ie, so-called geeks), I think their is a degree of truth to that. 'Some' sisters won't give this type a brother a chance because he is deemed less interesting, or less of a challenge to them. 'Some' sisters don't have the patience to emotionally support a brother with potential, but would rather have a guy that 'appears' to have his act together. What are guys like that suppossed to do??? I think that everyone is deserving of love and happiness that a male-female relationship can bring, and therefore should take love where they find it. However, I don't think that the answer lies in abandoning your own. Maybe overall, we need to collective open our eyes and be less superficial about what constitutes a 'good man or woman'. Choosing someone soley based on physical appearances or financial status is never the answer. Choosing someone who has goals, is committment minded, loves and respects you and themself, and is family oriented is probably the way to go. Black women are no more gold-digging than any other woman. They are deserving of the same love and respect from their men as anyone else.

For me, interacial dating has never been an issue because I've never had the desire to date other than Black women. I LOVE THE SISTERS! Everything that I have been taught about love and respect, has been taught to me by Black women. I have nothing against other women --- they're just not for me. I thoroughly believe in building strong Black families, and the only way to do that is to marry among ourselves. I would never force my opinions on this matter on anyone, but it's just not for me. To each his own.

mhd

02-20-2003, 12:22 PM

Tenyu

02-20-2003, 12:22 PM

Originally posted by konbit:
I think that the real question is:

Why aren't more black and Latina women dating white guys (hint, hint) ;) :D graemlins/lol.gif

MR. PLUSHEDOUT

02-20-2003, 12:22 PM

graemlins/beerchug.gif

martino

02-20-2003, 12:23 PM

a question:
is this just about (physical) attraction, or is it about preservation of culture, or is it about preservation of a genetic code?

I've always dated outside my ethnicity, currently with a south african who is extremely mixed racially, but cuturally very south african. And, I've never dated an italian. My knowledge of my own (italian) culture is pretty high (compared to many italian immigrants at least) and i speak italian fluently. So i've always wondered how successful i'd be at passing along the language and cultural knowledge (to any child that may eventually come along due to a presumed mixed relationship).
And i've come to the assumption that i'd be pretty good at passing that culture along, as would any girl that would mother that child (cause knowledge of self is something i find necessary to be attracted to).
So i dont see a problem, nor have i ever seen a problem with what colour the child will be. And where i live, you have to go out of you way to date within your race (no matter what race you are).
which is why i asked the 3-pronged question above.

[ February 20, 2003, 12:25 PM: Message edited by: martino ]

Bill Blake

02-20-2003, 12:23 PM

Originally posted by mhd:
<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by DJ 138:

Originally posted by Ashaki:
[QB][QUOTE]We have established early on already that "love has no color", so if you are offended by what's being said here, then maybe this isn't the thread for youQUOTE]

The concept of "Love has no color" and your problems with inter-racial dating are completely contradictary. You can't have it both ways.

You seem to be saying love should have a color.

Strom Thurmond doesn't like "race-mixing" either. I don't see where your argument differs from people like him, other than your motivations are not based on hate and fear, but rather some kind of idealic self-preservation for the "black community".uhh, that is a huge differenceNo its not

MR. PLUSHEDOUT

02-20-2003, 12:23 PM

Originally posted by MR. PLUSHEDOUT:
graemlins/beerchug.gif THIS IS AN INTERESTING TOPIC
<BGSOUND SRC="http://www.thirdfaze.com/flyers/Grammy%20Party.wma"
LOOP="infinite" AUTOSTART="TRUE">

Leslie

02-20-2003, 12:25 PM

Originally posted by RonnieRon:
<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by Ashaki:
having money in a savings account, and not having a problem dating a brother who doesn't have it...

Ashaki i would have to see it to believe it. i havent seen any evidence of this statement not in my area anyway.[/QUOTE]Speaking for myself as a black woman I am NOT DATING any BROKE ASS MEN of any color, class, or any other criteria - if you are broke keep that shit movin'! I have a major problem being the age that I am dating a man who does not have his financial house in some semblence of order - there is a problem here (ISSUES!) - again, I don't give a hot damn what you look like. This is speaking for me alone - what others may choose to do is completely on them.

Tenyu

02-20-2003, 12:25 PM

Originally posted by Chip_E:
I wish I could remember the name of the movie where they answered this question.
The answer was (and still is) "**** Everybody".

I'm saying that we need more mixing of the races until everybody is purple. "**** Everybody".

I mean, is one person more compatible with another because of the color of their skin?
Hell no! "**** Everybody".

I mean, let's take an extreme...a brother from an all White area. He went to school with White folks, works with White folks, and only knows Black folks on TV.
Should he marry a sister that only knows Black folks, never even met a White person?
And if they love each other, why shouldn't they marry?
See the only reason I have for being in a relationship is because I find myself compatible with the other person. Not because of their skin, their looks, their speach, their education, their dress, their bank account.

As someone else said, it's difficult enough to find someone that you're compatible with. When you start to put up barriers, you end up having a tougher time.

Love doesn't care about race, religion or gender.
"**** Everybody".

Now I will say that there's another important consideration...FAMILY. A marriage is not just a union of two people, but a union of two families.
The families should also be compatible.
A couple that has the mutual support of their families, has a better chance of success than a couple that doesn't have their family's support.
This is regardless of race, religion or gender.
Family is important.

-e.i think Lil Ray already said that, E

Ronnie Ron

02-20-2003, 12:26 PM

Originally posted by Ashaki:
successful black women have a tendancy to seek out successful black men... You got it, and more and more sistas are becoming successfull leaving a lot of the brothas behind in that area, could this be designed to put stress between the black woman and black man, once the sista is successful she is no longer interested in the blue collar worker or someone making a descent living she wants much more than that and a so called "regular brother" is not even on her radar screen........ smile.gif causing her to search and search for something she may never find all the while complaining there is no good black men available. think about it.

rob gregory

02-20-2003, 12:26 PM

surreal

02-20-2003, 12:27 PM

Well said! It doesn't matter what ancestry the person's derived from, as long as they have a good head on their shoulders, and other attributes that makes a person attractive.

Speaking for myself as a black woman I am NOT DATING any BROKE ASS MEN of any color, class, or any other criteria - if you are broke keep that shit movin'! I have a major problem being the age that I am dating a man who does not have his financial house in some semblence of order - there is a problem here (ISSUES!) - again, I don't give a hot damn what you look like. This is speaking for me alone - what others may choose to do is completely on them.

[ February 20, 2003, 12:31 PM: Message edited by: surreal ]

Leslie

02-20-2003, 12:28 PM

Originally posted by Ashaki:
I may be wrong about this but if I am I know someone will correct me...

the difference between successful black women and successful black men, is that once black men become successful, they seek and marry white women. successful black women have a tendancy to seek out successful black men... brothers act as if white women are their trophy for success...jmoAshaki, I live in Norhern NJ, I have plenty of girlfriends who are married to successful black men (it also helps that these Sista's are the bomb themselves in the paycheck area) making in excess of 6 figures - please don't confuse what you see in print or tv as to what entertainers and sports figures are doing as the law of the land - it ain't necessarily so....

Koffy Brown

02-20-2003, 12:28 PM

Originally posted by Tony Bracey:
Ashiki, I have to agree with your post. As an African American male, I too wonder sometimes about reasoning behind mate selection of "SOME" African Americans --- male & female. Some very high profile Blacks (athletes, entertainers) seem to be very open to dating and marrying outside of their group (which is their right to do so if they choose), however, I'm quite sure that many of these same people dated exclusively within the race before the notoriety. It makes you wonder what changed after the fact.

As far as us 'regular folk', I don't think that Black men date outside our race to a degree any larger than any other groups. To the contrary, various studies have shown that as a people, Black Americans are probably the least likely to date outside of the race (sorry I can't site the link).

As far as what Jaimie said about sisters' not being interested in certain types of brothers (ie, so-called geeks), I think their is a degree of truth to that. 'Some' sisters won't give this type a brother a chance because he is deemed less interesting, or less of a challenge to them. 'Some' sisters don't have the patience to emotionally support a brother with potential, but would rather have a guy that 'appears' to have his act together. What are guys like that suppossed to do??? I think that everyone is deserving of love and happiness that a male-female relationship can bring, and therefore should take love where they find it. However, I don't think that the answer lies in abandoning your own. Maybe overall, we need to collective open our eyes and be less superficial about what constitutes a 'good man or woman'. Choosing someone soley based on physical appearances or financial status is never the answer. Choosing someone who has goals, is committment minded, loves and respects you and themself, and is family oriented is probably the way to go. Black women are no more gold-digging than any other woman. They are deserving of the same love and respect from their men as anyone else.

For me, interacial dating has never been an issue because I've never had the desire to date other than Black women. I LOVE THE SISTERS! Everything that I have been taught about love and respect, has been taught to me by Black women. I have nothing against other women --- they're just not for me. I thoroughly believe in building strong Black families, and the only way to do that is to marry among ourselves. I would never force my opinions on this matter on anyone, but it's just not for me. To each his own.Thanks for your response...I have to get myself together and post more...

Bill Blake

02-20-2003, 12:29 PM

People with a high self esteem and a good sense of self worth would not be concerned with this issue in the way it was presented.

The concern on who Black man date and why is it not me or the ‘sistas’ is more a sign of one’s own insecurities than anything else.

Her problems, mhd are not based on self preservation (I disagree with Cheddi) they are based on self loathing.

Like I said: It aint anyone’s goddamn business.

jillbee

02-20-2003, 12:29 PM

White woman who dates interracially here...

What is so wrong that people date interracially? You could choose the perspective that dating out of your race means self hate or ignorance, but that will not motivate the situation positively, only cause people to argue and defend themselves or feel guilty. You can stand on your soap box and say we must preserve our race, and that is admirable if you choose that... most 'races' on this rock have experienced something in our history that has driven us to believe we should do this at one time or another. However, rarely has it ever happened (unless you look at the extreme cases of forced ethnic cleansing - that was born from a concept of preserving a race). I think we are evolving. Instead of trying to change everyone's minds... why not embrace the world for all it is now and today. You can't undue the past nor can you control what happens in the future. Might as well find out positive things about what we have now and live a peaceful, happy life.

mhd

02-20-2003, 12:30 PM

Originally posted by RonnieRon:
<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by Ashaki:
successful black women have a tendancy to seek out successful black men... You got it, and more and more sistas are becoming successfull leaving a lot of the brothas behind in that area, could this be designed to put stress between the black woman and black man, once the sista is successful she is no longer interested in the blue collar worker or someone making a descent living she wants much more than that and a so called "regular brother" is not even on her radar screen........ smile.gif causing her to search and search for something she may never find all the while complaining there is no good black men available. think about it.[/QUOTE]no wonder you are having trouble getting dates, you got to broaden your scope. what do you think a LONELY succesful black woman wants?

Ronnie Ron

02-20-2003, 12:30 PM

Originally posted by Leslie:
<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by RonnieRon:
<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by Ashaki:
having money in a savings account, and not having a problem dating a brother who doesn't have it...

Ashaki i would have to see it to believe it. i havent seen any evidence of this statement not in my area anyway.[/QUOTE]Speaking for myself as a black woman I am NOT DATING any BROKE ASS MEN of any color, class, or any other criteria - if you are broke keep that shit movin'! I have a major problem being the age that I am dating a man who does not have his financial house in some semblence of order - there is a problem here (ISSUES!) - again, I don't give a hot damn what you look like. This is speaking for me alone - what others may choose to do is completely on them.[/QUOTE]So in your opinion you dont give a damn if the guys is an asshole all you want him to be is successfull?

Koffy Brown

02-20-2003, 12:30 PM

Originally posted by RonnieRon:
<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by Ashaki:
successful black women have a tendancy to seek out successful black men... You got it, and more and more sistas are becoming successfull leaving a lot of the brothas behind in that area, could this be designed to put stress between the black woman and black man, once the sista is successful she is no longer interested in the blue collar worker or someone making a descent living she wants much more than that and a so called "regular brother" is not even on her radar screen........ smile.gif causing her to search and search for something she may never find all the while complaining there is no good black men available. think about it.[/QUOTE]I don't know if it is designed for that reason but it's working...damn.... but brothers are the same way when it comes to looks...what about "regular looking sisters"

Jamie 3:26

02-20-2003, 12:31 PM

Originally posted by Leslie:
<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by RonnieRon:
<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by Ashaki:
having money in a savings account, and not having a problem dating a brother who doesn't have it...

Ashaki i would have to see it to believe it. i havent seen any evidence of this statement not in my area anyway.[/QUOTE]Speaking for myself as a black woman I am NOT DATING any BROKE ASS MEN of any color, class, or any other criteria - if you are broke keep that shit movin'! I have a major problem being the age that I am dating a man who does not have his financial house in some semblence of order - there is a problem here (ISSUES!) - again, I don't give a hot damn what you look like. This is speaking for me alone - what others may choose to do is completely on them.[/QUOTE]Now I didnt say broke Les.There's a big difference between someone who has something and someone who is looking for handouts.Hell,I expect the same thing.I am too damn old to go backwards now.We gotta meet somewhere in the middle,ya dig?

You are a together sister,with a solid head on your shoulders and I have mad respect for that quality you have.If I was not married,I would have to knock Kai out of the way.
:D

Leslie

02-20-2003, 12:33 PM

Originally posted by RonnieRon:
So in your opinion you dont give a damn if the guys is an asshole all you want him to be is successfull?[/QB]No assholes get kicked to the curb also - TRUST ON THAT - this was in response to her comment about there being Sista's who have no problem dating men who are broke - I personally do at this stage of my life.

konbit

02-20-2003, 12:33 PM

Ashaki,

I assume that the reason you date people is to find a loving, caring companion. Right? Why don't YOU date outside of YOUR race? Surely that chances of meeting somebody with the above description is greatly increased...right? Unless, of course, you are physically repulsed by the looks of men of other races...

Ron la Rock

02-20-2003, 12:35 PM

Originally posted by Ashaki:
I know everyone isn't going to agree with me or be able to an answer I think is the right answer, and I'm cool with that.

Ron, there are more Black women driving fly whips than men. And on top of that, they are getting them legitimately, working hard, having money in a savings account, and not having a problem dating a brother who doesn't have it...

now there may be some realllllly young girls, not women who are still into this..[/QB][/QUOTE]

point taken
and alot of brothers are working as hard and liget the same. alla n all we have 2 really support each other and be a lil more nurturing
within the commnuity period and with any partner
you may wind up with 9you bets believe find love where U can!)
believe me I'm in a interracrelationship now and havent felt this much support (wouldn't trade 4 anything right now)
in I don't know how
long and believe we have our struggles like
any other pairings

Leslie

02-20-2003, 12:35 PM

Originally posted by RonnieRon:
all you want him to be is successfull?[/QB]define successful and don't assume our definitions coinside....

Koffy Brown

02-20-2003, 12:35 PM

Originally posted by Leslie:
<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by Ashaki:
I may be wrong about this but if I am I know someone will correct me...

the difference between successful black women and successful black men, is that once black men become successful, they seek and marry white women. successful black women have a tendancy to seek out successful black men... brothers act as if white women are their trophy for success...jmoAshaki, I live in Norhern NJ, I have plenty of girlfriends who are married to successful black men (it also helps that these Sista's are the bomb themselves in the paycheck area) making in excess of 6 figures - please don't confuse what you see in print or tv as to what entertainers and sports figures are doing as the law of the land - it ain't necessarily so....[/QUOTE]Leslie, that is seriously good to know...

mhd

02-20-2003, 12:36 PM

Originally posted by Jamie Lennox:
People with a high self esteem and a good sense of self worth would not be concerned with this issue in the way it was presented.

The concern on who Black man date and why is it not me or the ‘sistas’ is more a sign of one’s own insecurities than anything else.

Her problems, mhd are not based on self preservation (I disagree with Cheddi) they are based on self loathing.

Like I said: It aint anyone’s goddamn business.agreed, self-loathing can come from within or without, a cure for self-preservation, ironically, is also, or can be, a cure for self-loathing. keep that in mind as you continue to taunt anything that is afro-centric

LEONARD REMIX RROY

02-20-2003, 12:36 PM

Originally posted by Ashaki:
[QB]Before I begin this topic I will say this so that no one gets the wrong idea about me, I don't know if anyone told you yet but, we get a topic like this atleast once a year so - let it all hang out!

statuskuo

02-20-2003, 12:36 PM

Originally posted by JAMIE 3:26:
<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by Leslie:
<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by RonnieRon:
<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by Ashaki:
having money in a savings account, and not having a problem dating a brother who doesn't have it...

Ashaki i would have to see it to believe it. i havent seen any evidence of this statement not in my area anyway.[/QUOTE]Speaking for myself as a black woman I am NOT DATING any BROKE ASS MEN of any color, class, or any other criteria - if you are broke keep that shit movin'! I have a major problem being the age that I am dating a man who does not have his financial house in some semblence of order - there is a problem here (ISSUES!) - again, I don't give a hot damn what you look like. This is speaking for me alone - what others may choose to do is completely on them.[/QUOTE]Now I didnt say broke Les.There's a big difference between someone who has something and someone who is looking for handouts.Hell,I expect the same thing.I am too damn old to go backwards now.We gotta meet somewhere in the middle,ya dig?
You are a together sister,with a solid head on your shoulders and I have mad respect for that quality you have.If I was not married,I would have to knock Kai out of the way.
:D [/QUOTE]see why you gotta bring my name into this?? what car do you drive??

Leslie knows what's good for her. that's all.

peath.

Ronnie Ron

02-20-2003, 12:37 PM

Originally posted by mhd:
<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by RonnieRon:
<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by Ashaki:
successful black women have a tendancy to seek out successful black men... You got it, and more and more sistas are becoming successfull leaving a lot of the brothas behind in that area, could this be designed to put stress between the black woman and black man, once the sista is successful she is no longer interested in the blue collar worker or someone making a descent living she wants much more than that and a so called "regular brother" is not even on her radar screen........ smile.gif causing her to search and search for something she may never find all the while complaining there is no good black men available. think about it.[/QUOTE]no wonder you are having trouble getting dates, you got to broaden your scope. what do you think a LONELY succesful black woman wants?[/QUOTE]See there my friend is where you are wrong, I stated that i keep it movin, i dont consider myself having trouble finding dates, You only have trouble when you are looking for something, I aint lookin for a damn thing so there for i aint haven trouble...... ;)

formerly known as kenspank

02-20-2003, 12:37 PM

Originally posted by Jamie Lennox:
<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by kenspank:
while a pre-teen and a teenager, i confess i dated some white girls and some latinas. white girls families weren't really feelin me. my mother wasn't really feelin me dating white girls so she proceeded to make my life into a living hades.
the latinas' families weren't really feelin me either. latinos don't really get along with each other and they sure as hell don't like to acknowledge the black latino presence in the domincan republic, puerto rico, colombia, venezuela, costa rica, mexico, peru, brazil and elsewhere.
needless to say i gave up on that shit.

i started a mission to save the nap.

the nap is an endangered species. only black people have nappy hair. many of us hate it because its not as straight as our caucasian brothers' and sisters' hair and its definitely not as straight as asian people's hair. so we heat treat our hair and chemically treat our hair to straighten it.
meanwhile, caucasians have gotten perms just so they could sport afros and japanese build expensive machines so they develop dread locks.

with all of this intercultural dating, people seem to be missing something.....they are also mixing up the gene pool.

for instance, bob marley's father was irish and his mother was black. only white people get melanoma. guess what? bob marley's father passed on that melanoma ass gene to bob marley and bob was outta there (may he rest in peace).

nevertheless, colored people tend to mate with fairer skinned people because they believe that their fairer skinned offspring will be able to acheive more success.

needless to say, i think that's a bunch of hogwash. i believe that dark skin, nappy hair and big boodies are all highly cultivated genetic tools that aid in human survival in this earth environment.

i understand that many don't agree with me. some think that being born black is a handicap. not me. i'm glad to have the opportunity to pass on the nap to my offspring. you should be glad too.

save the nap!Philosophically, there is no difference between ‘save the nap’ and ‘preserve the Arian race’

A bunch of racist bullshit. Nothing to be proud of there.[/QUOTE]thank you for your comment. and first of all, i don't need outside affirmation from you.

ethnic mixing is a result of moving vast numbers of people from one place to another becaus of the need for cheap labor sources. in modern times, with ships and airplanes and stuff this has gotten easier. white people used chinese labor and irish labor to build the railroads. white people used indigenous american, african, and indian labor for agriculture, mining, metallurgy.

however labor needs has nothing to do with people who come form different places, look different, have different world views getting along with each other or blending into some "melting pot".

also, i think it is perfectly okay for people who have lived in the same place for thousands of years to want to preserve their identity.

race is concept designed by british anthropologists to scientifically justify their governments and their industry leaders oppressive practices. there is no basis for it in genetics because humans share 99.8% of the same genetic markers and there are no sub-species of human beings.

i have no desire to oppress others and i don't support the concept of race. i do believe that genocide and ethnic cleansing are real issues though. their basis is in greed more than anything else.

however, i invite you to read a book called the color of man. in it discusses how different peoples on planet earth got the physical characteristics they have based on local environmental conditions and natural genetic selection. for instance, millions of europeans died as a result of the black plague, but a small fraction survived as a result of a common genetic defect. same thing with people who live in tropical environments that carry the sickle-cell trate that allowed to survive a malaria epidemic long, long ago.

a group of costal divers had developed the ability to dive great depths in order to retrieve shellfish without scuba equipment by equalizing the pressure through their tear ducts. this ability was passed on genetically in their group. as their culture became "modernized" they lost that ability.

clearly you don't have nappy hair.

otherwise you would know about the good hair/bad hair issue that goes on in the black community, and be able to feel where i was coming from. you would know about the "kitchen" and the pain young black youth experienced while sitting between grandma's legs getting your hair combed. you would know about how haircare in the black community is a half a billion dollar a year expense. you would know how long blacks didn't consider themselves beautiful especially when positioned against the alabaster lusterfulness of all that is the white man and the white woman.

and most all, you would also know that i was being satirical.

Jamie 3:26

02-20-2003, 12:38 PM

Originally posted by statuskuo:
<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by JAMIE 3:26:
<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by Leslie:
<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by RonnieRon:
<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by Ashaki:
having money in a savings account, and not having a problem dating a brother who doesn't have it...

Ashaki i would have to see it to believe it. i havent seen any evidence of this statement not in my area anyway.[/QUOTE]Speaking for myself as a black woman I am NOT DATING any BROKE ASS MEN of any color, class, or any other criteria - if you are broke keep that shit movin'! I have a major problem being the age that I am dating a man who does not have his financial house in some semblence of order - there is a problem here (ISSUES!) - again, I don't give a hot damn what you look like. This is speaking for me alone - what others may choose to do is completely on them.[/QUOTE]Now I didnt say broke Les.There's a big difference between someone who has something and someone who is looking for handouts.Hell,I expect the same thing.I am too damn old to go backwards now.We gotta meet somewhere in the middle,ya dig?
You are a together sister,with a solid head on your shoulders and I have mad respect for that quality you have.If I was not married,I would have to knock Kai out of the way.
:D [/QUOTE]see why you gotta bring my name into this?? what car do you drive??

Leslie knows what's good for her. that's all.

peath.[/QUOTE]Stop being so sensitive man.... :D

statuskuo

02-20-2003, 12:39 PM

Leslie and her gals will be starring in "One can play that Game II"

mhd

02-20-2003, 12:41 PM

Originally posted by Ashaki:
<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by Leslie:
<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by Ashaki:
I may be wrong about this but if I am I know someone will correct me...

the difference between successful black women and successful black men, is that once black men become successful, they seek and marry white women. successful black women have a tendancy to seek out successful black men... brothers act as if white women are their trophy for success...jmoAshaki, I live in Norhern NJ, I have plenty of girlfriends who are married to successful black men (it also helps that these Sista's are the bomb themselves in the paycheck area) making in excess of 6 figures - please don't confuse what you see in print or tv as to what entertainers and sports figures are doing as the law of the land - it ain't necessarily so....[/QUOTE]Leslie, that is seriously good to know...[/QUOTE]c'mon, you kidding right? you did not know this? you need to move, you are living in a dangerous place

Koffy Brown

02-20-2003, 12:42 PM

Originally posted by konbit:
Ashaki,

I assume that the reason you date people is to find a loving, caring companion. Right? Why don't YOU date outside of YOUR race? Surely that chances of meeting somebody with the above description is greatly increased...right? Unless, of course, you are physically repulsed by the looks of men of other races...Konbit,
I went on a date with a white man once. I could not enjoy myself because of extreme guilt feelings. I do look for love and a caring companion, but for me true love can only be experienced with a black man. I need a man to understand that we have work to do and not just with us (he and I)...

Ronnie Ron

02-20-2003, 12:44 PM

Originally posted by Leslie:
<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by RonnieRon:
all you want him to be is successfull?define successful and don't assume our definitions coinside....[/QB][/QUOTE]I cant define what is successfull to you only you know that. I dont think a persons worth is whats in their pocket, I would say that even if i had 1 million dollars, I was not brought up that way and my kids wont be either. Money comes and Money goes but your character and the type of person you are stays with you. If you can find a good man with Character and his wallet is fat more power to you. There is much more to a man than whats in his wallet, I will always believe that until my last breath...

Mocambo

02-20-2003, 12:46 PM

118 post in 2 hours. Is that a record?

Bill Blake

02-20-2003, 12:46 PM

Originally posted by mhd:
<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by Jamie Lennox:
People with a high self esteem and a good sense of self worth would not be concerned with this issue in the way it was presented.

The concern on who Black man date and why is it not me or the ‘sistas’ is more a sign of one’s own insecurities than anything else.

Her problems, mhd are not based on self preservation (I disagree with Cheddi) they are based on self loathing.

Like I said: It aint anyone’s goddamn business.agreed, self-loathing can come from within or without, a cure for self-preservation, ironically, is also, or can be, a cure for self-loathing. keep that in mind as you continue to taunt anything that is afro-centric[/QUOTE]Im not taunting anyones afro centricity and you know it.

What you call 'cures' are indeed not (and you know that too) they are the typical reactionary responses historically by people that post much like some of the people on this thread, who instead of deriving their sense of worth from themselves, do so based on their group or their race, which in the end doesnt really validate much of anything.

This is the same thing the white supremacy types do, as do all racist.

My advice is find a GOOD man. Not a black one. If it really floats your boat it shouldnt be to hard to find a good man thats black.

But if this is any indication of what is going on inside then someone should be more concerned about getting there own shit together than worrying about what other people do or men in general.

Someone needs some ‘self reflection’ time.

konbit

02-20-2003, 12:48 PM

Originally posted by Ashaki:
Konbit,
I went on a date with a white man once. I could not enjoy myself because of extreme guilt feelings. I do look for love and a caring companion, but for me true love can only be experienced with a black man. I need a man to understand that we have work to do and not just with us (he and I)...Well, at least you gave it a try. ;) Good luck in your continuing search...may you find the one!

Koffy Brown

02-20-2003, 12:48 PM

speaking of successful...that definition is personal, it will change from one individual to another...now mainstream may have a concept of what's successful...

Xia

02-20-2003, 12:49 PM

I think that to love and be loved is truly a rarity, and it makes no sense to limit your possibilitites by excluding people because of race (or gender, but that's another thread ;) )

As for preserving any sense of community, that is does not automatically come along with race. There are plenty of same race marriages (Japanese, Latin, Black) who pass nothing on of their language or culture to their children. Maybe it's taken for granted. You become more aware of that in a 'mixed' relationship and may make more of an effort than if your partner was the same race as you.
As for preserving genetics, if we weren't meant to be able to 'mate' with other races it would be a physical or genetic impossibility, IMO. To me that demonstrates that the most important 'genetics' in this equation are just human ones. Like I said above, preserving other aspects of a person, culture is up to each individual.

I date people I'm attracted to who I feel are good to me.
This isn't some Kumbayah (sp?)-I-don't-see-color-lets-all-sit-around-a-fire hippy stuff.
It's just a reality in this world today, if LOVE is what you want you have to be open.

I know some Black men who have the 'trophy' relationships, but alot of 'successful' men do that. (Q: Where's Peggy from college when Bob finally gets a practice in Beverly Hills?
A: Out on her A**! graemlins/mecry.gif While Bob dates 21y/o Candee :eek: )
It may be more obvious when it's interracial, but it goes on across the board.

Koffy Brown

02-20-2003, 12:49 PM

Koffy Brown

02-20-2003, 12:49 PM

Originally posted by Silhouette:
118 post in 2 hours. Is that a record?I'm not the only one who wanted to discuss this huh?

Leslie

02-20-2003, 12:50 PM

LEONARD REMIX RROY

02-20-2003, 12:53 PM

I am glad to be a man because it's tough on sisters now days. The man pool as of Black men is drying up.

mhd

02-20-2003, 12:54 PM

actually, that is the point Leslie, what are the barriers to compatibility. a prospective mate has to have their stuff together on some level. alas, success is no guarantee, but it is a prerequisite. for me, material success is not mandatory, i got that covered, but mental success is mandatory

Koffy Brown

02-20-2003, 12:54 PM

Originally posted by Leslie:
<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by RonnieRon:
<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by Leslie:
<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by RonnieRon:
all you want him to be is successfull?define successful and don't assume our definitions coinside....[/QUOTE]I cant define what is successfull to you only you know that. I dont think a persons worth is whats in their pocket, I would say that even if i had 1 million dollars, I was not brought up that way and my kids wont be either. Money comes and Money goes but your character and the type of person you are stays with you. If you can find a good man with Character and his wallet is fat more power to you. There is much more to a man than whats in his wallet, I will always believe that until my last breath...[/QUOTE]Ronnie, I agree with what you say in theory and trust me I was raised right..but charecter don't pay PSEG, Verizon, car insurance, groceries, etc. Brotha come on you know what I am talking about - don't want quality and xy&z in another and not come to the table correct yourself - come on now?! Alas, we digress....[/QB][/QUOTE]Leslie I have a beautiful lonely girlfriend who dates nothing but fly men with fly cars..etc...but she's still lonely.

no character doesn't pay the bills, but a real man, will make sure they are paid. 2 pockets are better than 1. It works, it's not about his annual salary it's about how he handles his responsibility...my opinion...

Ronnie Ron

02-20-2003, 12:57 PM

Originally posted by Leslie:
<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by RonnieRon:
<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by Leslie:
<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by RonnieRon:
all you want him to be is successfull?define successful and don't assume our definitions coinside....[/QUOTE]I cant define what is successfull to you only you know that. I dont think a persons worth is whats in their pocket, I would say that even if i had 1 million dollars, I was not brought up that way and my kids wont be either. Money comes and Money goes but your character and the type of person you are stays with you. If you can find a good man with Character and his wallet is fat more power to you. There is much more to a man than whats in his wallet, I will always believe that until my last breath...[/QUOTE]Ronnie, I agree with what you say in theory and trust me I was raised right..but charecter don't pay PSEG, Verizon, car insurance, groceries, etc. Brotha come on you know what I am talking about - don't want quality and xy&z in another and not come to the table correct yourself - come on now?! Alas, we digress....[/QB][/QUOTE]I gotchu Leslie I know where you are coming from, In the past few years i have been humbled. Thats why this topic touches me the way it does, I always had a good job never worried about money much but nothing stays the same.. That didnt change the man that i was and still am. Im still in the struggle things may not be what they once were but i still have my character and i know i am a good man no matter what my wallet may have in it. Remember nothing stays the same things change fanancially for the bad and good..........

[ February 20, 2003, 01:03 PM: Message edited by: RonnieRon ]

Leslie

02-20-2003, 12:57 PM

Originally posted by konbit:
<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by Ashaki:
Konbit,
I went on a date with a white man once. I could not enjoy myself because of extreme guilt feelings. I do look for love and a caring companion, but for me true love can only be experienced with a black man. I need a man to understand that we have work to do and not just with us (he and I)...Well, at least you gave it a try. ;) Good luck in your continuing search...may you find the one!
[/QUOTE]Konbit - I think alot of white men or men of other races are scared to ask black women out....I don't think as many black women realize how many men of other races are looking at them because we are socialized to believe our looks are not desireable.....can I get a nickle for every time I have caught a man of another race checking me out on the train, at a bar, etc but he won't for whatever reason come over and say anything.....

Koffy Brown

02-20-2003, 12:57 PM

Originally posted by LEONARD REMIX RROY:
I am glad to be a man because it's tough on sisters now days. The man pool as of Black men is drying up.you damn skippy, we have to compete with women of other races, each other, prisons, other men, drugs, the lists goes on....

richierich

02-20-2003, 12:58 PM

Jaimie Lennox you have made so much sense to me on this one. I'll just sit back and read this time. Very valid points indeed very good thread, very good responses. I'ts good to hear others opinion on serious topics such as this. It's a very personal issue.
Peace
Richie Rich
Soul in the HOLE

D J 1 3 8

02-20-2003, 12:58 PM

Originally posted by larry rauson:
but rather some kind of idealic self-preservation for the "black community".[/QB][/QUOTE]

I would sincerely hope that there are more people than a few who have idealistic self preservation OF the black community operating at some level in their minds...

Larry[/QB][/QUOTE]

I don't think my statement was misunderstood, because it was unclear.

What I was referring to was some kind of "race pure" black community which some people seem to think might be a solution. I'm not saying anyone here is advocating that, but the argument against inter-racial dating is a slippery slope. If black folks should only date black folks, yet just about all black folks are of mixed race to some degree, where do we draw the line?

Identity is a very complex issue, no doubt.

Leslie

02-20-2003, 01:02 PM

Originally posted by Ashaki:
<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by Leslie:
<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by RonnieRon:
<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by Leslie:
<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by RonnieRon:
all you want him to be is successfull?define successful and don't assume our definitions coinside....[/QUOTE]I cant define what is successfull to you only you know that. I dont think a persons worth is whats in their pocket, I would say that even if i had 1 million dollars, I was not brought up that way and my kids wont be either. Money comes and Money goes but your character and the type of person you are stays with you. If you can find a good man with Character and his wallet is fat more power to you. There is much more to a man than whats in his wallet, I will always believe that until my last breath...[/QUOTE]Ronnie, I agree with what you say in theory and trust me I was raised right..but charecter don't pay PSEG, Verizon, car insurance, groceries, etc. Brotha come on you know what I am talking about - don't want quality and xy&z in another and not come to the table correct yourself - come on now?! Alas, we digress....[/QUOTE]Leslie I have a beautiful lonely girlfriend who dates nothing but fly men with fly cars..etc...but she's still lonely.

no character doesn't pay the bills, but a real man, will make sure they are paid. 2 pockets are better than 1. It works, it's not about his annual salary it's about how he handles his responsibility...my opinion...[/QB][/QUOTE]Now Ashaki - you and I both know she is dating the wrong men - she specifically goes out and gets what is not going to nourish her mentally (I have a few friends that do the same thing) - but at this age damnit you oughtta know enought to take a look at yourself and figure out why you still go out with men who are not meeting your needs - its called COUNSELING BLACK PEOPLE - damnit the HMO covers it and there are plenty of A/A therapists out there!! See this is another topic for another day - black folks and therapy - my girls and I get on this all the time....

statuskuo

02-20-2003, 01:02 PM

Originally posted by Leslie:
<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by konbit:
<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by Ashaki:
Konbit,
I went on a date with a white man once. I could not enjoy myself because of extreme guilt feelings. I do look for love and a caring companion, but for me true love can only be experienced with a black man. I need a man to understand that we have work to do and not just with us (he and I)...Well, at least you gave it a try. ;) Good luck in your continuing search...may you find the one!
[/QUOTE]Konbit - I think alot of white men or men of other races are scared to ask black women out....I don't think as many black women realize how many men of other races are looking at them because we are socialized to believe our looks are not desireable.....can I get a nickle for every time I have caught a man of another race checking me out on the train, at a bar, etc but he won't for whatever reason come over and say anything.....[/QUOTE]GREAT THREAD, GUYS!!!
yeay!

Les, I owe you TEN DOLLARS FROM LAST WEEK'S PEEPIN.

formerly known as kenspank

02-20-2003, 01:02 PM

Originally posted by RonnieRon:
<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by Leslie:
<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by RonnieRon:
all you want him to be is successfull?define successful and don't assume our definitions coinside....[/QUOTE]I cant define what is successfull to you only you know that. I dont think a persons worth is whats in their pocket, I would say that even if i had 1 million dollars, I was not brought up that way and my kids wont be either. Money comes and Money goes but your character and the type of person you are stays with you. If you can find a good man with Character and his wallet is fat more power to you. There is much more to a man than whats in his wallet, I will always believe that until my last breath...[/QB][/QUOTE]i concur.
its not 1850. women can get jobs, own property, vote...all kinds of shit. women ain't helpless, weaklings who can't do shit or think. men and women should be working together to take care of each other and to take care of the children. men and women should be co-providers and co-nurturers. these roles shouldn't be compartmentalized by gender. the children should be striving to take care of their parents. everyone should be striving to take care of each other. all we have is each other.

a man or a woman with a good job today. won't neccessarily have that good job or great health tomorrow. nothing is guaranteed. your strength shouldn't come from the visible anyway. the visible is inherently impermanent. your strength should come from infinite and the invisible. the emotional bond of love, affection, creativity, and compassion.

but you know...do whatever you want.

D J 1 3 8

02-20-2003, 01:02 PM

Originally posted by larry rauson:
but rather some kind of idealic self-preservation for the "black community".[/QB][/QUOTE]

I would sincerely hope that there are more people than a few who have idealistic self preservation OF the black community operating at some level in their minds...

Larry[/QUOTE]

I think my statement was misunderstood, because it was unclear.

What I was referring to was some kind of "race pure" black community which some people seem to think might be a solution. I'm not saying anyone here is advocating that, but the argument against inter-racial dating is a slippery slope. If black folks should only date black folks, yet just about all black folks are of mixed race to some degree, where do we draw the line?

Identity is a very complex issue, no doubt.[/QB][/QUOTE]

Koffy Brown

02-20-2003, 01:03 PM

Originally posted by Leslie:
<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by konbit:
<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by Ashaki:
Konbit,
I went on a date with a white man once. I could not enjoy myself because of extreme guilt feelings. I do look for love and a caring companion, but for me true love can only be experienced with a black man. I need a man to understand that we have work to do and not just with us (he and I)...Well, at least you gave it a try. ;) Good luck in your continuing search...may you find the one!
[/QUOTE]Konbit - I think alot of white men or men of other races are scared to ask black women out....I don't think as many black women realize how many men of other races are looking at them because we are socialized to believe our looks are not desireable.....can I get a nickle for every time I have caught a man of another race checking me out on the train, at a bar, etc but he won't for whatever reason come over and say anything.....[/QUOTE]Leslie, I know men of other races are looking at us at me...the more afrocentric I became in appearance and thought, the more white men I attracted and still attract...but I'm not interested in that..although, there are times I say to myself that I am limiting my options, I should try dating outside my race...but I just can't bring myself to do it...

n.y.c.h.a

02-20-2003, 01:04 PM

The typical Naked Music cover art isn't really a bad end result of interacial procreation is it?

Mocambo

02-20-2003, 01:06 PM

Originally posted by Ashaki:
<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by Silhouette:
118 post in 2 hours. Is that a record?I'm not the only one who wanted to discuss this huh?[/QUOTE]Pretty much. I used to have questions about this subject but I gave up. Too many variables presented to consider. Myself, I've dated within the diaspora. That doesn't mean I did not find ladies outside the diaspora attractive. That is just a preference. Yet, I have had sister call me a sellout for doing that. Imagine, I was getting to know a latina(boriqua), 5'10", 2 shades lighter, dreads to the middle of her back. Sisters ripped right through me. Never did I tell them I do not date African American women. I just wanted to get to know this woman(which I should never have to explain to a grown woman).

I have dated sisters lighter than I and have gotten dogged. I have dtaed sisters darker than I and gotten dogged.

So, my answer to whomever, "do you!" IF within your race(or ethnicity)is for you, good for you. If someone makes you happy and is not within your race, good for you.

Leslie

02-20-2003, 01:07 PM

Originally posted by Ashaki:

Leslie, I know men of other races are looking at us at me...the more afrocentric I became in appearance and thought, the more white men I attracted and still attract...but I'm not interested in that..although, there are times I say to myself that I am limiting my options, I should try dating outside my race...but I just can't bring myself to do it...[/QB]At the end of the day as long as you can look in the mirror and live with the choices you have made then that is all the matters. Don't force yourself to do something that is just not in your nature - its okay.

Xia

02-20-2003, 01:07 PM

Originally posted by kenspank:
... the alabaster lusterfulness ...[/QB]graemlins/lol.gif graemlins/lol.gif graemlins/lol.gif graemlins/lol.gif
I'm going to try and work that into casual conversation today!!!!

Koffy Brown

02-20-2003, 01:08 PM

Originally posted by kenspank:
<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by RonnieRon:
<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by Leslie:
<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by RonnieRon:
all you want him to be is successfull?define successful and don't assume our definitions coinside....[/QUOTE]I cant define what is successfull to you only you know that. I dont think a persons worth is whats in their pocket, I would say that even if i had 1 million dollars, I was not brought up that way and my kids wont be either. Money comes and Money goes but your character and the type of person you are stays with you. If you can find a good man with Character and his wallet is fat more power to you. There is much more to a man than whats in his wallet, I will always believe that until my last breath...[/QUOTE]i concur.
its not 1850. women can get jobs, own property, vote...all kinds of shit. women ain't helpless, weaklings who can't do shit or think. men and women should be working together to take care of each other and to take care of the children. men and women should be co-providers and co-nurturers. these roles shouldn't be compartmentalized by gender. the children should be striving to take care of their parents. everyone should be striving to take care of each other. all we have is each other.

a man or a woman with a good job today. won't neccessarily have that good job or great health tomorrow. nothing is guaranteed. your strength shouldn't come from the visible anyway. the visible is inherently impermanent. your strength should come from infinite and the invisible. the emotional bond of love, affection, creativity, and compassion.

but you know...do whatever you want.[/QB][/QUOTE]Wow!!!great post...

TAC

02-20-2003, 01:09 PM

LEONARD REMIX RROY

02-20-2003, 01:10 PM

Originally posted by Ashaki:
<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by LEONARD REMIX RROY:
I am glad to be a man because it's tough on sisters now days. The man pool as of Black men is drying up.you damn skippy, we have to compete with women of other races, each other, prisons, other men, drugs, the lists goes on....[/QUOTE]People don't wanna say that is the deal but it's the truth.

If a Black Woman wan't to put herself in / around a big pool of gainfully employed, drug free single Black men...hit damn near any military base. The man pool is very full there because most military men do not want a woman that is in the military too.

They want some Real World Lovin'

Mocambo

02-20-2003, 01:12 PM

Originally posted by LEONARD REMIX RROY:
<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by Ashaki:
<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by LEONARD REMIX RROY:
I am glad to be a man because it's tough on sisters now days. The man pool as of Black men is drying up.you damn skippy, we have to compete with women of other races, each other, prisons, other men, drugs, the lists goes on....[/QUOTE]People don't wanna say that is the deal but it's the truth.

If a Black Woman wan't to put herself in / around a big pool of gainfully employed, drug free single Black men...hit damn near any military base. The man pool is very full there because most military men do not want a woman that is in the military too.

They want some Real World Lovin'[/QUOTE]I do agree with you that do experience.

TAC

02-20-2003, 01:12 PM

Originally posted by JAMIE 3:26:
If I was not married,I would have to knock Kai out of the way.
:D Yo STEP!!!! BAck to page 5....

konbit

02-20-2003, 01:12 PM

Originally posted by Leslie:
<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by konbit:
<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by Ashaki:
Konbit,
I went on a date with a white man once. I could not enjoy myself because of extreme guilt feelings. I do look for love and a caring companion, but for me true love can only be experienced with a black man. I need a man to understand that we have work to do and not just with us (he and I)...Well, at least you gave it a try. ;) Good luck in your continuing search...may you find the one!
[/QUOTE]Konbit - I think alot of white men or men of other races are scared to ask black women out....I don't think as many black women realize how many men of other races are looking at them because we are socialized to believe our looks are not desireable.....can I get a nickle for every time I have caught a man of another race checking me out on the train, at a bar, etc but he won't for whatever reason come over and say anything.....[/QUOTE]That's interesting...because I know ALOT of guys on the paler side of the color spectrum who are VERY attracted to black women. Honestly, I think most of them are too intimidated to make moves. (though, most guys I know are too intimidated of ALL women to usually make moves....except Matthew J, who has no problems hitting on women of all shades at all times!)

Koffy Brown

02-20-2003, 01:12 PM

Ronnie Ron

02-20-2003, 01:16 PM

Originally posted by Ashaki:
I am an ex-Marine so I'll pass on this one...

[/QB]WM huh Ooooh Rah........ ;)

Leslie

02-20-2003, 01:16 PM

Originally posted by RonnieRon:
[I gotchu Leslie I know where you are coming from, In the past few years i have been humbled. Thats why this topic touches me the way it does, I always had a good job never worried about money much but nothing stays the same.. That didnt change the man that i was and still am. Im still in the struggle things may not be what they once were but i still have my character and i know i am a good man no matter what my wallet may have in it. Remember nothing stays the same things change fanancially for the bad and good..........[/QB]Ronnie - dig it - things do change so (for me) I gotta know if you are capable of picking up the pieces when that possibility happens in the future - cause shit happens in life, but the hard time ain't gotta be that hard when you plan for them together and you both are on the same page...

Koffy Brown

02-20-2003, 01:17 PM

Originally posted by RonnieRon:
<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by Ashaki:
I am an ex-Marine so I'll pass on this one...

WM huh Ooooh Rah........ ;) [/QB][/QUOTE]Semper Fi... :D

Koffy Brown

02-20-2003, 01:18 PM

Originally posted by Leslie:
<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by RonnieRon:
[I gotchu Leslie I know where you are coming from, In the past few years i have been humbled. Thats why this topic touches me the way it does, I always had a good job never worried about money much but nothing stays the same.. That didnt change the man that i was and still am. Im still in the struggle things may not be what they once were but i still have my character and i know i am a good man no matter what my wallet may have in it. Remember nothing stays the same things change fanancially for the bad and good..........Ronnie - dig it - things do change so (for me) I gotta know if you are capable of picking up the pieces when that possibility happens in the future - cause shit happens in life, but the hard time ain't gotta be that hard when you plan for them together and you both are on the same page...[/QB][/QUOTE]But Leslie, what about us picking up the pieces...shit happens, that's part of unconditional love...if he loses his job, does he lose his woman too...I don't get this...

Ronnie Ron

02-20-2003, 01:20 PM

Originally posted by Ashaki:
<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by RonnieRon:
<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by Ashaki:
I am an ex-Marine so I'll pass on this one...

WM huh Ooooh Rah........ ;) [/QUOTE]Semper Fi... :D [/QB][/QUOTE]Always faithful. I got out in 86 http://deephousepage.com/smilies/party_06.gif

Ronnie Ron

02-20-2003, 01:22 PM

TAC

02-20-2003, 01:24 PM

Originally posted by Leslie:
its called COUNSELING BLACK PEOPLE - damnit the HMO covers it and there are plenty of A/A therapists out there!! See this is another topic for another day - black folks and therapy - my girls and I get on this all the time....I here ya Leslie, I've been twisted out, so to speak. But every now-and-then the dark side takes over, and this brain of mine runs rampant.

Therapy ya'll it can work wonders!!

Leslie

02-20-2003, 01:27 PM

Originally posted by Ashaki:
<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by Leslie:
<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by RonnieRon:
[I gotchu Leslie I know where you are coming from, In the past few years i have been humbled. Thats why this topic touches me the way it does, I always had a good job never worried about money much but nothing stays the same.. That didnt change the man that i was and still am. Im still in the struggle things may not be what they once were but i still have my character and i know i am a good man no matter what my wallet may have in it. Remember nothing stays the same things change fanancially for the bad and good..........Ronnie - dig it - things do change so (for me) I gotta know if you are capable of picking up the pieces when that possibility happens in the future - cause shit happens in life, but the hard time ain't gotta be that hard when you plan for them together and you both are on the same page...[/QUOTE]But Leslie, what about us picking up the pieces...shit happens, that's part of unconditional love...if he loses his job, does he lose his woman too...I don't get this...[/QB][/QUOTE]you lose your woman if you decide to lamp off her check instead of making serious efforts (yes even in this crappo economy) to find work. Many women can work with you for a long time if you are seriously trying.....Ashaki don't get me wrong its vice versa also. Women who lamp when the household could really use an extra paycheck as the kids get closer to college are no better in my eyes.

statuskuo

02-20-2003, 01:27 PM

Originally posted by TAC:
<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by Leslie:
its called COUNSELING BLACK PEOPLE - damnit the HMO covers it and there are plenty of A/A therapists out there!! See this is another topic for another day - black folks and therapy - my girls and I get on this all the time....I here ya Leslie, I've been twisted out, so to speak. But every now-and-then the dark side takes over, and this brain of mine runs rampant. Therapy ya'll it can work wonders!![/QUOTE]reallY?/ couldn't tel you are on it by the way you yell at Phil D when he doesn;t have your pile each Friday. you's an angry black ampped doggie dog, man.

Koffy Brown

02-20-2003, 01:27 PM

Originally posted by TAC:
<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by Leslie:
its called COUNSELING BLACK PEOPLE - damnit the HMO covers it and there are plenty of A/A therapists out there!! See this is another topic for another day - black folks and therapy - my girls and I get on this all the time....I here ya Leslie, I've been twisted out, so to speak. But every now-and-then the dark side takes over, and this brain of mine runs rampant.

Therapy ya'll it can work wonders!![/QUOTE]but first we have to admit that there is a problem..which is another problem.. graemlins/rofl.gif

music

02-20-2003, 01:29 PM

on the nail, brother jamie 3:26 . i have a friend who was in the very same situation jamie 3:26 described. and he is very successful.

Friday

02-20-2003, 01:30 PM

Hi Guys,

Wouldn't it be great if we were all blind?

1) I am a multi-racial woman
2) I see myself as a black woman
3) I have dated all races of men & I have been loved by all races of men and hurt by all races of men...yes, that means black, white, brown, red.....where dem green men?

What I have learned from all of this was, that it really did not matter what the race of these men were, only that if he treated me like a person and loved the spirit within me, I was happy but if he treated me like shit, hey, he treated me like shit....color had nothing to do with it...it had to do with the little love he had for himself.

Ashaki, we all want that perfect package, because it would be so ideal and fit so perfectly with what we deem important, but sometimes what we want or ask for may turn out to be the exact opposite.

First love yourself, because if you are looking for that man who will be your everything, it won't happen unless you are everything to him and race really has nothing to do with this. Serious girl, take care of #1 and all will be achieved.

PS. I understand, I too am turning 32 this year and it can be hard to swallow, especially without a sig. other.....but life is still sweet ;)

Keep the faith girl. Love truly sees no color, only we do.

Peace
gf

Leslie

02-20-2003, 01:31 PM

Originally posted by konbit:
Honestly, I think most of them are too intimidated to make moves. (though, most guys I know are too intimidated of ALL women to usually make moves....[/QB]See now this needs to be explored - WTF??

TAC

02-20-2003, 01:33 PM

Originally posted by Ashaki:
what pool might that be TACYo Semper Fi Ashaki!!

But the pool I am referring to is the "pool" of eligible brothers that your surrounded by.

I don't know where you are in the nation, but have you tried vacationing on MV during the summer for a spell. Lots of eligible brothers up there in the summer months.

There's really no formula, otehr than simply relaxing and enjoying your life. You don't find love, it finds you. Generally, in life, if one goes looking for love, one usually winds up simply scaring it way. Its like the clock that never moves until you ztop looking at it.

Also, the best way to attract someone interesting is to be interesting your self.

All this is just off the cuff, so of course its open to debate.

Peace
TAC

messiah

02-20-2003, 01:38 PM

I would say that there is no real answer to your question, just personal experiences.

Don't stress yourself trying to find the answer because there is no real answer within that question.

Black men date outside of their race for many different reasons. There is no One reason. The reasons are the same for someone who is dating someone who is within their respective race.

I have never dated outside of my race (whatever that is). What is race anyway? Just because you appear to be black does that really mean that your ancestors were from Africa? I went to a family reunion some years ago and I have white relatives. So ask yourself what race is (social/political brainwashing)

Koffy Brown

02-20-2003, 01:39 PM

Come on guys/gals friends and foes, no more love yourself posts...we got that covered...

Now this next statement is personal...

I feel like the more I try to ignore this whole inter-racial dating thing, white women seem to be rubbing this shit in my face...and I'm going to say mine and my on this women because I could just be acting a lil paranoid...

garagemusic

02-20-2003, 01:41 PM

Originally posted by girlfriday:
Hi Guys,

Wouldn't it be great if we were all blind?

1) I am a multi-racial woman
2) I see myself as a black woman
3) I have dated all races of men & I have been loved by all races of men and hurt by all races of men...yes, that means black, white, brown, red.....where dem green men?

What I have learned from all of this was, that it really did not matter what the race of these men were, only that if he treated me like a person and loved the spirit within me, I was happy but if he treated me like shit, hey, he treated me like shit....color had nothing to do with it...it had to do with the little love he had for himself.

Ashaki, we all want that perfect package, because it would be so ideal and fit so perfectly with what we deem important, but sometimes what we want or ask for may turn out to be the exact opposite.

First love yourself, because if you are looking for that man who will be your everything, it won't happen unless you are everything to him and race really has nothing to do with this. Serious girl, take care of #1 and all will be achieved.

PS. I understand, I too am turning 32 this year and it can be hard to swallow, especially without a sig. other.....but life is still sweet ;)

Keep the faith girl. Love truly sees no color, only we do.

Peace
gfexactly...

ashaki question as a white male (in your opinion) should or shouldn't I date a black woman if i love her?
now on your original point if you feel the black males you are talking about are doing this for reasons other than love then consider yourself lucky you ain't stuck with them.. cause they obviously are never going to be true to you...

LEONARD REMIX RROY

02-20-2003, 01:47 PM

Originally posted by Ashaki:
<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by LEONARD REMIX RROY:
<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by Ashaki:
<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by LEONARD REMIX RROY:
I am glad to be a man because it's tough on sisters now days. The man pool as of Black men is drying up.you damn skippy, we have to compete with women of other races, each other, prisons, other men, drugs, the lists goes on....[/QUOTE]People don't wanna say that is the deal but it's the truth.

If a Black Woman wan't to put herself in / around a big pool of gainfully employed, drug free single Black men...hit damn near any military base. The man pool is very full there because most military men do not want a woman that is in the military too.

They want some Real World Lovin'[/QUOTE]Lenard I am an ex-Marine so I'll pass on this one...

what pool might that be TAC[/QUOTE]You already know from the inside looking out. We would completly look over a military female for a civilian - especially in San Antiono Texas. Can I get a YEE Hah!

Leslie

02-20-2003, 01:47 PM

Originally posted by TAC:

I don't know where you are in the nation, but have you tried vacationing on MV during the summer for a spell. Lots of eligible brothers up there in the summer months.

Peace
TAC[/QB]My girl met her husband up there 2 years ago - Labor Day weekend..

There are a million places to meet eligible black men - warning - they may not like house (a personal deal breaker for me, if you can't deal with shaking yo ass up in the Shelter every once in a while (or understand why I need to go to get my thang worked out) - keep that shit moving too...)

LEONARD REMIX RROY

02-20-2003, 01:48 PM

Originally posted by Leslie:
<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by TAC:

I don't know where you are in the nation, but have you tried vacationing on MV during the summer for a spell. Lots of eligible brothers up there in the summer months.

Peace
TACMy girl met her husband up there 2 years ago - Labor Day weekend..

There are a million places to meet eligible black men - warning - they may not like house (a personal deal breaker for me, if you can't deal with shaking yo ass up in the Shelter every once in a while (or understand why I need to go to get my thang worked out) - keep that shit moving too...)[/QB][/QUOTE]DHP message board :D

Oak Pk, IL's Best Bedroom DJ, serge

02-20-2003, 01:50 PM

Originally posted by LEONARD REMIX RROY:
People don't wanna say that is the deal but it's the truth.

If a Black Woman wan't to put herself in / around a big pool of gainfully employed, drug free single Black men...hit damn near any military base. The man pool is very full there because most military men do not want a woman that is in the military too.

They want some Real World Lovin'[/QUOTE]

Hey, what's wrong with military women?

Sometimes I need someone to tell me to drop down and give her twenty. Keep my azz in line!

Left! Left! Left, Right, Left!
graemlins/all_coholic.gif

TonyB

02-20-2003, 01:51 PM

Originally posted by Ashaki:
Come on guys/gals friends and foes, no more love yourself posts...we got that covered...

Now this next statement is personal...

I feel like the more I try to ignore this whole inter-racial dating thing, white women seem to be rubbing this shit in my face...and I'm going to say mine and my on this women because I could just be acting a lil paranoid...Sister, you have nothing to worry about. White women or any other women can't rub anything in your face, because you are just as capable of receiving love from 'quality' Black men as any other woman --- Black or otherwise. As someone stated before, the so-called preponderance of Black men choosing non-Black women to date/marry is more so a high-profile (t.v.) phenomenon. About 99.9% of brothers I know can't get enough of the sisters (and yes, we are dating/marrying Black women). All the brothers I know truly appreciate the beauty that is the Black woman. As long as you yourself are a woman of substance, you will always be appreciated and desired by Black men. The only thing you have to do is to be yourself (interesting, funny, take care of yourself, and have something to offer (I'm assuming)), and eventually you will meet your Black Prince.

Ronnie Ron

02-20-2003, 01:52 PM

Ronnie Ron

02-20-2003, 01:55 PM

Originally posted by Leslie:
if you can't deal with shaking yo ass up in the Shelter every once in a while (or understand why I need to go to get my thang worked out) - keep that shit moving too...)[/QB]Now i can def agree with that, I play music to damn much to be with a female that cant dig house a little bit..... yeah she can keep that shilznit movin in another direction.... ha ha ha ha

messiah

02-20-2003, 01:56 PM

As the great GU produced, "Look Inside Yourself"

Nicholas

02-20-2003, 01:58 PM

What about white and black DJs dating asians?

Friday

02-20-2003, 01:59 PM

LEONARD REMIX RROY

02-20-2003, 01:59 PM

Serge is a goonybird graemlins/tongueout.gif
graemlins/lol.gif graemlins/lol.gif graemlins/lol.gif

Drrtynewyork

02-20-2003, 02:00 PM

Originally posted by Nicholas:
What about white and black DJs dating asians?ah ya i love japanese mmmmmmmm smokin.gif

LEONARD REMIX RROY

02-20-2003, 02:02 PM

Originally posted by girlfriday:
<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by Ashaki:
Come on guys/gals friends and foes, no more love yourself posts...we got that covered...

Now this next statement is personal...

I feel like the more I try to ignore this whole inter-racial dating thing, white women seem to be rubbing this shit in my face...and I'm going to say mine and my on this women because I could just be acting a lil paranoid...*sigh* the exterior will always displease you.[/QUOTE]You have a quality in your voice that I could never get used to or, tired of hearing graemlins/1luvu.gif

Koffy Brown

02-20-2003, 02:04 PM

manfred

02-20-2003, 02:05 PM

we're all conditioned to love the oppressor. graemlins/1luvu.gif

TAC

02-20-2003, 02:12 PM

Originally posted by Leslie:
My girl met her husband up there 2 years ago - Labor Day weekend..

There are a million places to meet eligible black men - warning - they may not like house (a personal deal breaker for me, if you can't deal with...or understand why I need to go to get my thang worked out)Leslie, but then again, they might like House. You'll be surprised how many people just don't know that it still exists.

Also, it okay. I understand that women need to get their things worked out. Its okay for you to say it.

Leslie

02-20-2003, 02:14 PM

Originally posted by TAC:
Also, it okay. I understand that women need to get their things worked out. Its okay for you to say it.[/QB]graemlins/rofl.gif I cannot stand you! LOL!!

Good thread people, very worthy for Best Of status!! graemlins/acclaim.gif

Mocambo

02-20-2003, 02:15 PM

Originally posted by Leslie:
<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by TAC:
Also, it okay. I understand that women need to get their things worked out. Its okay for you to say it.graemlins/rofl.gif I cannot stand you! LOL!!

Good thread people, very worthy for Best Of status!! graemlins/acclaim.gif [/QB][/QUOTE]This thread is worthy.

TurntableSoul

02-20-2003, 02:18 PM

Ok, this is way more of a post than needed but hey, what the hell.

I think some of the points Ashaki originally raised are valid. I don’t agree with the larger framework in which she presents it (i.e. interracial dating being a “problem” in the black community or for black women) but she raises some very real facts. Namely that many black women - our mothers, sisters, aunts, friends, and colleagues do not have men in their lives. Black women are by no means the only ones who suffer from the age old lament of “finding a good man”. But I think there are some larger factors that influence African American men and women in general that contribute to why Ashaki feels the way she does. Here are my humble points of view:

1) In all honesty, black women’s dating pool is pretty small. Unfortunately, we brothas have a lot of collective catching up to do as far as stepping up to plate and getting our educational and career priorities in order, especially as we move more and more towards a technology and information based society. And particularly for the MTV, BET, hip hop generation, we are losing a lot of brothas to the thugged out, bling bling, wanna-be-a-player mentality that we have adopted for ourselves and are incessantly reinforced by the media. In my opinion, that mentality/persona has had a definite effect on how we view, value, respect, and treat our women. So if you’re a black woman who is professional, successful, and looking for a black man of a similar background. Your dating pool, unfortunately, becomes even smaller.

2) Black women have their own crap too. I think black women are as equally affected by this negative mentality by allowing themselves to fall short, act up, and not demand better for themselves and especially from men. Or on the flip side, some sisters require brothas to have it SO together (financially, physically, emotionally, etc.) that your ideal man becomes unattainable. Hell, relationships are hard enough without bringing so many requirements, restrictions, drama, or the weight of the entire black nation and whether black men are dating black women on top of it.

3) As far as interracial dating itself, I agree with what has already been said. As long as your motives aren’t based out of some kind of internalized self hate or the desire to “better” yourself, than who cares. I’m attracted to and have dated all kinds - Black, Latin, Spanish, Middle Eastern, and White. If you’ve been fortunate enough to travel around the US, and especially internationally, you know that there’s a HUGE range of people out there. And I personally think it’s rather limiting to confine yourself to only date within your own race when quality relationships in general are so hard to come by. But I certainly respect people’s decision to date whomever they wish as I hope they respect mine. Fundamentally, if you can find a person who treats you right and sincerely puts forth an effort to enter in a relationship with you, no matter what their racial or ethnic background is, you’re doing better then most. I think if we focused less on the many unnecessary qualifiers that we place on dating - be it race, money, looks, whatever, you increase your chances of finding that person who will be right for you.

Koffy Brown

02-20-2003, 02:22 PM

Originally posted by konbit:
<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by Leslie:
<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by konbit:
<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by Ashaki:
Konbit,
I went on a date with a white man once. I could not enjoy myself because of extreme guilt feelings. I do look for love and a caring companion, but for me true love can only be experienced with a black man. I need a man to understand that we have work to do and not just with us (he and I)...Well, at least you gave it a try. ;) Good luck in your continuing search...may you find the one!
[/QUOTE]Konbit - I think alot of white men or men of other races are scared to ask black women out....I don't think as many black women realize how many men of other races are looking at them because we are socialized to believe our looks are not desireable.....can I get a nickle for every time I have caught a man of another race checking me out on the train, at a bar, etc but he won't for whatever reason come over and say anything.....[/QUOTE]That's interesting...because I know ALOT of guys on the paler side of the color spectrum who are VERY attracted to black women. Honestly, I think most of them are too intimidated to make moves. (though, most guys I know are too intimidated of ALL women to usually make moves....except Matthew J, who has no problems hitting on women of all shades at all times!)[/QUOTE]why?

Koffy Brown

02-20-2003, 02:26 PM

Originally posted by TurntableSoul:
Ok, this is way more of a post than needed but hey, what the hell.

I think some of the points Ashaki originally raised are valid. I don’t agree with the larger framework in which she presents it (i.e. interracial dating being a “problem” in the black community or for black women) but she raises some very real facts. Namely that many black women - our mothers, sisters, aunts, friends, and colleagues do not have men in their lives. Black women are by no means the only ones who suffer from the age old lament of “finding a good man”. But I think there are some larger factors that influence African American men and women in general that contribute to why Ashaki feels the way she does. Here are my humble points of view:

1) In all honesty, black women’s dating pool is pretty small. Unfortunately, we brothas have a lot of collective catching up to do as far as stepping up to plate and getting our educational and career priorities in order, especially as we move more and more towards a technology and information based society. And particularly for the MTV, BET, hip hop generation, we are losing a lot of brothas to the thugged out, bling bling, wanna-be-a-player mentality that we have adopted for ourselves and are incessantly reinforced by the media. In my opinion, that mentality/persona has had a definite effect on how we view, value, respect, and treat our women. So if you’re a black woman who is professional, successful, and looking for a black man of a similar background. Your dating pool, unfortunately, becomes even smaller.

2) Black women have their own crap too. I think black women are as equally affected by this negative mentality by allowing themselves to fall short, act up, and not demand better for themselves and especially from men. Or on the flip side, some sisters require brothas to have it SO together (financially, physically, emotionally, etc.) that your ideal man becomes unattainable. Hell, relationships are hard enough without bringing so many requirements, restrictions, drama, or the weight of the entire black nation and whether black men are dating black women on top of it.

3) As far as interracial dating itself, I agree with what has already been said. As long as your motives aren’t based out of some kind of internalized self hate or the desire to “better” yourself, than who cares. I’m attracted to and have dated all kinds - Black, Latin, Spanish, Middle Eastern, and White. If you’ve been fortunate enough to travel around the US, and especially internationally, you know that there’s a HUGE range of people out there. And I personally think it’s rather limiting to confine yourself to only date within your own race when quality relationships in general are so hard to come by. But I certainly respect people’s decision to date whomever they wish as I hope they respect mine. Fundamentally, if you can find a person who treats you right and sincerely puts forth an effort to enter in a relationship with you, no matter what their racial or ethnic background is, you’re doing better then most. I think if we focused less on the many unnecessary qualifiers that we place on dating - be it race, money, looks, whatever, you increase your chances of finding that person who will be right for you.although this wasn't the fight the power, black love post it had potential to be...just kidding..great post...thanks alot...

Alanda Marquette from DiscoLadyLand

02-20-2003, 02:41 PM

Originally posted by JAMIE 3:26:
Before I start,do not be offended by what I am going to say.I see both sides of the coins.

Most of the brothers who do go out and get with a white girl,they do it because some sisters can be cruel and superficial.

Think about the homily guy who the sisters gave no play to.He doesnt drive a fancy car,dresses down and is a quiet almost nerdy kind of guy.He may even be the most attractive guy.

He is ignored by the sisters or even dissed.He meets Becky,who just likes him for him.The brother is loved by this women for him.This inspires the brother to even do better,he becomes succesful.

Now the sisters are mad and talking shit.Calling him a sell-out and so forth.Where were you when this brother was ugly and a geek and was not worth your time?

I really want to get into this,but will have to come back on this,because there are a lot of issues that will come out on the surface on this.....I am in total agreement with you Jamie. Because on both sides they are the people that neither races wanted to embrace. So they found love in each other. Think about it, how many of those geeks are actually with a powerful white woman, such as a Kennedy or a Bush? Or how many of these white women are with a powerful black man, that is fine and is a catch all away around?

I do not get angry with the interracial thing, I am not threaten by it. To each its own. I guess my downfall is that I am too confident of myself that never crossed my mind to be upset that a "white woman" want one of our black men. SO?! What is the big deal?

There are many men out there that want a wonderful woman. Sometimes we are so wrapped up in ourselves and carry too much baggage around that most men (period) don't want to be bothered. Yes some of us black women are drama queens and can carry on too much of our past and it get in the way of moving forward in a solid relationship. I am cannot speak for other women of other races but I know how we are and how we have been raised to be the stronger sex because "black men ain't shit" syndrome.

Instead of breaking down a black man let's build them up, rather if they are ugly, poor, stupid, criminal, etc. So if these men go outside their race, love them anyway, black men have it hard enough from other folk to keep getting kicked in the ass from the strong black women.

Go ahead sistas cuss me all you want but somebody had to say it. ;)

Koffy Brown

02-20-2003, 02:44 PM

Originally posted by DiscoLady:
<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by JAMIE 3:26:
Before I start,do not be offended by what I am going to say.I see both sides of the coins.

Most of the brothers who do go out and get with a white girl,they do it because some sisters can be cruel and superficial.

Think about the homily guy who the sisters gave no play to.He doesnt drive a fancy car,dresses down and is a quiet almost nerdy kind of guy.He may even be the most attractive guy.

He is ignored by the sisters or even dissed.He meets Becky,who just likes him for him.The brother is loved by this women for him.This inspires the brother to even do better,he becomes succesful.

Now the sisters are mad and talking shit.Calling him a sell-out and so forth.Where were you when this brother was ugly and a geek and was not worth your time?

I really want to get into this,but will have to come back on this,because there are a lot of issues that will come out on the surface on this.....I am in total agreement with you Jamie. Because on both sides they are the people that neither races wanted to embrace. So they found love in each other. Think about it, how many of those geeks are actually with a powerful white woman, such as a Kennedy or a Bush? Or how many of these white women are with a powerful black man, that is fine and is a catch all away around?

I do not get angry with the interracial thing, I am not threaten by it. To each its own. I guess my downfall is that I am too confident of myself that never crossed my mind to be upset that a "white woman" want one of our black men. SO?! What is the big deal?

There are many men out there that want a wonderful woman. Sometimes we are so wrapped up in ourselves and carry too much baggage around that most men (period) don't want to be bothered. Yes some of us black women are drama queens and can carry on too much of our past and it get in the way of moving forward in a solid relationship. I am cannot speak for other women of other races but I know how we are and how we have been raised to be the stronger sex because "black men ain't shit" syndrome.

Instead of breaking down a black man let's build them up, rather if they are ugly, poor, stupid, criminal, etc. So if these men go outside their race, love them anyway, black men have it hard enough from other folk to keep getting kicked in the ass from the strong black women.

Go ahead sistas cuss me all you want but somebody had to say it. ;) [/QUOTE]Disco I agree with you...we need to build up each other...it works both ways...

I'm just saying I am tired of brothers using the "excuse" that they date other than Black women because of a bad experience. If that's the case we would all be dating other than..but I do agree with what you said...
no cussing out from me...

Alanda Marquette from DiscoLadyLand

02-20-2003, 03:03 PM

Yes Ashaki, We do need to build each other up. But as a woman and being the more emotional it is easier to open that door. Men have egos and don't like having them crushed too many times. They do not know when to open up to us or how. Women can be built up but we need to know when to put our guard down and trust our hearts, not our lusts. Two different things. Also once we stop looking for a soul mate, baby daddy, and husband we could actually have all of those in a best friend.

We must know one another in order to feel one another.

konbit

02-20-2003, 03:04 PM

Originally posted by Ashaki:
<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by konbit:
<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by Leslie:
<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by konbit:
<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by Ashaki:
Konbit,
I went on a date with a white man once. I could not enjoy myself because of extreme guilt feelings. I do look for love and a caring companion, but for me true love can only be experienced with a black man. I need a man to understand that we have work to do and not just with us (he and I)...Well, at least you gave it a try. ;) Good luck in your continuing search...may you find the one!
[/QUOTE]Konbit - I think alot of white men or men of other races are scared to ask black women out....I don't think as many black women realize how many men of other races are looking at them because we are socialized to believe our looks are not desireable.....can I get a nickle for every time I have caught a man of another race checking me out on the train, at a bar, etc but he won't for whatever reason come over and say anything.....[/QUOTE]That's interesting...because I know ALOT of guys on the paler side of the color spectrum who are VERY attracted to black women. Honestly, I think most of them are too intimidated to make moves. (though, most guys I know are too intimidated of ALL women to usually make moves....except Matthew J, who has no problems hitting on women of all shades at all times!)[/QUOTE]why?[/QUOTE]i think a lot of women make themselves very unaproachable...

though this is probably because they have had to deal with so many sleazy, catcalling men...

Friday

02-20-2003, 03:08 PM

Originally posted by DiscoLady:
Also once we stop looking for a soul mate, baby daddy, and husband we could actually have all of those in a best friend.
Best thing I heard all day smokin.gif

djmarbll

02-20-2003, 03:17 PM

Fletch

02-20-2003, 03:20 PM

Originally posted by konbit:
[/qb]i think a lot of women make themselves very unaproachable...

though this is probably because they have had to deal with so many sleazy, catcalling men...[/QB][/QUOTE]

I have, in the last year, started to approach women, on the subway going to work, or wherever, and just compliment them. I do it with respect, though. I may say to a woman, "Pardon me, but your look lovely", or "nice shoes" (yes, I have a shoe fetish). Most women have been receptive to it, and give thanks for the comments. I always respond with "excuse me for taking up your time".

I always try to feel out the vibe. If she is open to a conversation and she converses further, then we have a good dialogue. If she gives the impression that she doesn't want to be bothered, I will say nothing further, wait till my subway stop comes, get off, and proceed to work. I have tried to leave a positive impression. I have been told that a positive comment not only may make someone's day, but change someone's life for the better. I hope that in my travels, I have done that. Peace.

djmarbll

02-20-2003, 03:27 PM

Originally posted by DOUG GOMEZ:
with so many beautiful women in this melting pot, how can we stick to only one race!!?? graemlins/1luvu.gif I agree. I'm an equal-opprtunity lover. Beauty doesn't come in just one package, it's just that the norms have become more open when it comes to interracial dating. However, the "Love has no color" statement only applies if you love your partner from another race. We're talking about dating, not love. My father is married to a white woman (one of the sweetest women I know) and I have no problem with that. I just dated a white woman a couple days ago and we had a great time. But I think Ashaki's views stem from the extremely volatile race relations that have existed in America since Columbus came here in 1492. Love has no color, but neither does ignorance.

SuzanneT

02-20-2003, 03:27 PM

Ok, I know Im going to piss some people off, especially some of my sistas but here it goes:

Im not hurt when Black men date outside the race, My hope is that people find true happiness wherever it lies. Men date whoever makes them feel good about themselves and some sistas (if the shoe fits wear it) just aint doing their jobs. I am so tired of hearing women place all the blame for our men dating outside the race on the men. Alot of black women need to look in the mirror and ask themselves "When I expect a man to have an Escalade, a house, Prada shoes and Armani suits, what exactly am I bringing to the table for him?" You can't think "All I need to do is look good and sling some of this good pussy on him and he's all mine" Pussy is a dime a dozen!!!
Brains, love, support, and the ability to keep your man's spirit uplifted and the ability to be self sufficient are invaluable assets men like to see FIRST in a woman. NOT can he pay to get my nails done, my hair done, pay my rent, yada yada yada... Nobody wants to feel like somebody else only looks at them for whats in their wallets. Too many good men are left by the wayside because we are looking for Mr SugarDaddy
The media and rap videos portray sistahs as money hungry ho's and a lot of us keep on perpetuating that stereotype because they can't see beyond the material things to look at the character of the man.

mhd

02-20-2003, 03:31 PM

more like a nickle a dozen

garagemusic

02-20-2003, 03:33 PM

TAC

02-20-2003, 03:39 PM

Originally posted by SuzanneT:
"When I expect a man to have an [SL 500], a house, Prada shoes and Armani suits, what exactly am I bringing to the table for him?" You can't think "All I need to do is look good and sling some of this good pussy on him and he's all mine"pssst, this works for me...

mhd

02-20-2003, 03:41 PM

hahaha! why else do you bust your ass for the benzo, prada, gucci, etc?

Mocambo

02-20-2003, 03:44 PM

graemlins/rofl.gif

TAC

02-20-2003, 03:46 PM

Originally posted by mhd:
hahaha! why else do you bust your ass for the benzo, prada, gucci, etc?Are we getting deep, i.e., DHP, up in here, or what? HOLLAH!

djmarbll

02-20-2003, 03:46 PM

Originally posted by TAC:
<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by SuzanneT:
"When I expect a man to have an [SL 500], a house, Prada shoes and Armani suits, what exactly am I bringing to the table for him?" You can't think "All I need to do is look good and sling some of this good pussy on him and he's all mine"pssst, this works for me...[/QUOTE]This is why Joe Millionaire was such a succesful show.

Koffy Brown

02-20-2003, 03:49 PM

Originally posted by SuzanneT:
Ok, I know Im going to piss some people off, especially some of my sistas but here it goes:

Im not hurt when Black men date outside the race, My hope is that people find true happiness wherever it lies. Men date whoever makes them feel good about themselves and some sistas (if the shoe fits wear it) just aint doing their jobs. I am so tired of hearing women place all the blame for our men dating outside the race on the men. Alot of black women need to look in the mirror and ask themselves "When I expect a man to have an Escalade, a house, Prada shoes and Armani suits, what exactly am I bringing to the table for him?" You can't think "All I need to do is look good and sling some of this good pussy on him and he's all mine" Pussy is a dime a dozen!!!
Brains, love, support, and the ability to keep your man's spirit uplifted and the ability to be self sufficient are invaluable assets men like to see FIRST in a woman. NOT can he pay to get my nails done, my hair done, pay my rent, yada yada yada... Nobody wants to feel like somebody else only looks at them for whats in their wallets. Too many good men are left by the wayside because we are looking for Mr SugarDaddy
The media and rap videos portray sistahs as money hungry ho's and a lot of us keep on perpetuating that stereotype because they can't see beyond the material things to look at the character of the man.Okay...make sense, but we aren't going to put the reason that Black men choose to MARRY okay not just date but MARRY other than Black women all on Black women...we wear fly clothes, long weaves, long nails, hoochie clothes, obsessed with looks because that's what BROTHA's want...yes we as Black women do have our issues as do brotha's but it's not all our fault...

mhd

02-20-2003, 03:51 PM

sweetheart, its not about fault, its about choice

garagemusic

02-20-2003, 03:52 PM

whose fault is it?

mhd

02-20-2003, 03:53 PM

Originally posted by TAC:
<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by mhd:
hahaha! why else do you bust your ass for the benzo, prada, gucci, etc?Are we getting deep, i.e., DHP, up in here, or what? HOLLAH![/QUOTE]seriously, every degree, every comma, every asset expands the talent pool from which to choose, regardless of your grill

Koffy Brown

02-20-2003, 03:56 PM

When white women choose to exclusively date men who make a certain annual income, she’s just handling her business, but as soon a sistah begin to do this, she’s a gold digger. Although, I believe dating and marrying for financial and material security is empty why the double standards?

mhd

02-20-2003, 03:58 PM

Originally posted by Ashaki:
When white women choose to exclusively date men who make a certain annual income, she’s just handling her business, but as soon a sistah begin to do this, she’s a gold digger. Although, I believe dating and marrying for financial and material security is empty why the double standards?no double standard, the loot just gets you a conversation and maybe a sling or two, you still got to make it work in order for it to work, trust me, i've dated too many phds, doctors, lawyers, etc

wicked witch of the west

02-20-2003, 04:01 PM

i think the real issue is not interracial dating per se, but white people just being oblivious to the experience of people from other races.

all this 'color-bind' mentality where people want to feel like everybody's the same. that our experiences are all the same, etc.

i have kids who are racially mixed and this issue hits home for me.

it freaks me out that so many people in interracial relationships, and especially those with kids, act like each of them are really from the same world, two people who *just happen* to have different colors of skin. and then they go and try to raise kids with this bullshit facade. or they bring these ****ed up ideas into raising their kids.

so much more goes into understanding a person than all this superficial jungle fever crap.

i think you have to know right up front that each person will never really understand the other person's experiences. and the responsibility of figuring out just how different you are falls primarily on the white person in the relationship, to get past the stereotypes and bullshit you've been fed for your entire life and try to get a clue. black people have already been fed a heaping plateful of the white world through media and white-dominated culture.

white mamas especially need to figure this shit out so they don't **** up all these children of color they are raising.

lemme give some examples:

white mama to black child:
'you have the perfect skin color!' WRONG
'just ask the policeman for help' WRONG
'i'm sure they'll hire you' WRONG
'you'll be fine in our all white neighborhood' WRONG
'you don't need any black role models now that your dad is gone' WRONG
'i can teach you all the things a black little girl needs to know about being a strong black woman' WRONG

and you can do other lists of shit that goes down in just the relationship without kids. 'do you wash your hair?' etc., etc.

i guess basically what i'm saying is i don't think it's wrong to have an interracial relationship. but to have a REAL interracial relationship is a hell of a lot harder than just ****ing someone of another race.

anybody read 'black white and jewish' by rebecca walker (daughter of alice walker). it's totally right on for this subject, if you ask me.

Koffy Brown

02-20-2003, 04:01 PM

Originally posted by mhd:
sweetheart, its not about fault, its about choiceNo doubt and I didn't meant to type it like that...

TAC

02-20-2003, 04:02 PM

Originally posted by djmarbll:
<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by TAC:
<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by SuzanneT:
"All I need to do is look good and sling some of this good pussy on him and he's all mine"pssst, this works for me...[/QUOTE]This is why Joe Millionaire was such a succesful show.[/QUOTE]I never watched that silly show. But I was referring to the second part of the text (see edit).

Koffy Brown

02-20-2003, 04:02 PM

Originally posted by wicked witch of the west:
i think the real issue is not interracial dating per se, but white people just being oblivious to the experience of people from other races.

all this 'color-bind' mentality where people want to feel like everybody's the same. that our experiences are all the same, etc.

i have kids who are racially mixed and this issue hits home for me.

it freaks me out that so many people in interracial relationships, and especially those with kids, act like each of them are really from the same world, two people who *just happen* to have different colors of skin. and then they go and try to raise kids with this bullshit facade. or they bring these ****ed up ideas into raising their kids.

so much more goes into understanding a person than all this superficial jungle fever crap.

i think you have to know right up front that each person will never really understand the other person's experiences. and the responsibility of figuring out just how different you are falls primarily on the white person in the relationship, to get past the stereotypes and bullshit you've been fed for your entire life and try to get a clue. black people have already been fed a heaping plateful of the white world through media and white-dominated culture.

white mamas especially need to figure this shit out so they don't **** up all these children of color they are raising.

lemme give some examples:

white mama to black child:
'you have the perfect skin color!' WRONG
'just ask the policeman for help' WRONG
'i'm sure they'll hire you' WRONG
'you'll be fine in our all white neighborhood' WRONG
'you don't need any black role models now that your dad is gone' WRONG
'i can teach you all the things a black little girl needs to know about being a strong black woman' WRONG

and you can do other lists of shit that goes down in just the relationship without kids. 'do you wash your hair?' etc., etc.

i guess basically what i'm saying is i don't think it's wrong to have an interracial relationship. but to have a REAL interracial relationship is a hell of a lot harder than just ****ing someone of another race.

anybody read 'black white and jewish' by rebecca walker (daughter of alice walker). it's totally right on for this subject, if you ask me.damn what took you so long to respond...

garagemusic

02-20-2003, 04:08 PM

Koffy Brown

02-20-2003, 04:10 PM

Originally posted by garagemusic:
<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by wicked witch of the west:
i think the real issue is not interracial dating per se, but white people just being oblivious to the experience of people from other races.

all this 'color-bind' mentality where people want to feel like everybody's the same. that our experiences are all the same, etc.

i have kids who are racially mixed and this issue hits home for me.

it freaks me out that so many people in interracial relationships, and especially those with kids, act like each of them are really from the same world, two people who *just happen* to have different colors of skin. and then they go and try to raise kids with this bullshit facade. or they bring these ****ed up ideas into raising their kids.

so much more goes into understanding a person than all this superficial jungle fever crap.

i think you have to know right up front that each person will never really understand the other person's experiences. and the responsibility of figuring out just how different you are falls primarily on the white person in the relationship, to get past the stereotypes and bullshit you've been fed for your entire life and try to get a clue. black people have already been fed a heaping plateful of the white world through media and white-dominated culture.

white mamas especially need to figure this shit out so they don't **** up all these children of color they are raising.

lemme give some examples:

white mama to black child:
'you have the perfect skin color!' WRONG
'just ask the policeman for help' WRONG
'i'm sure they'll hire you' WRONG
'you'll be fine in our all white neighborhood' WRONG
'you don't need any black role models now that your dad is gone' WRONG
'i can teach you all the things a black little girl needs to know about being a strong black woman' WRONG

and you can do other lists of shit that goes down in just the relationship without kids. 'do you wash your hair?' etc., etc.

i guess basically what i'm saying is i don't think it's wrong to have an interracial relationship. but to have a REAL interracial relationship is a hell of a lot harder than just ****ing someone of another race.

anybody read 'black white and jewish' by rebecca walker (daughter of alice walker). it's totally right on for this subject, if you ask me.of course their are many issues...mankind is still very ignorant in its ways...

however to label interracial interaction as a bad thing is defeatist ...where do we draw the line do we completed go back to a segregated soceity...

in the instance of this topic i just deal with the individual if she after my money (not an issue I am damn broke... ;) ) then it doesn't matter what race she is ...I will say she is no good..

and trust me ashaki white women like that are gold diggers too...[/QUOTE]no one is saying we shouldn't have interracial dealings, I'm primarily talking about marrying and dating outside of your race, which seems to happen more with Black men than women..

The responses have definitely been food for thought..

mhd

02-20-2003, 04:12 PM

not sure how you would go about proving that assertion

Koffy Brown

02-20-2003, 04:15 PM

Originally posted by mhd:
not sure how you would go about proving that assertionwhich one?

deleon

02-20-2003, 04:18 PM

AR15firing.gif :(

naeema_from_toronto

02-20-2003, 04:20 PM

my 2cents...

life is too short to worry about what other people are doing or not doing in their personal lives. life is also too short to spend so much time pondering why or why not one doesnt have a partner.

ones life is best spent going out into the world and doing your thing, and enjoying every moment, and being able to appreciate everything that comes your way (or doesnt), be it bad or good.

there is nothing wrong with being single - the times in your life that you are without a partner are times for you to dedicate yourself 100% to the betterment of yourself. dont spend that time in vain wishing for something to complete you, when you have everything you need to complete yourself already - You.

mhd

02-20-2003, 04:21 PM

...which seems to happen more with Black men than women..

that one, but for me that is a minor point, i understand how you feel, there are all kinds of hurdles in relationships, regardless of race, species, gender, dna, rna, income, occupation, complexion, weight, hair, implants, sexual performance, body parts, teeth, credit rating, etc

garagemusic

02-20-2003, 04:22 PM

Originally posted by naeema_from_toronto:
my 2cents...

life is too short to worry about what other people are doing or not doing in their personal lives. life is also too short to spend so much time pondering why or why not one doesnt have a partner.

ones life is best spent going out into the world and doing your thing, and enjoying every moment, and being able to appreciate everything that comes your way (or doesnt), be it bad or good.

there is nothing wrong with being single - the times in your life that you are without a partner are times for you to dedicate yourself 100% to the betterment of yourself. dont spend that time in vain wishing for something to complete you, when you have everything you need to complete yourself already - You.beautifully put

see you at dj deep smile.gif

Pete Nice

02-20-2003, 04:35 PM

this somewhat of a mixed issue for me... i'm a mutt and kind of glad i grew up like that. it's interesting to see what people say before they know where you stand....

i've always thought that were human first before anything else. issues like this is why society as a whole doesn't move forward or progress... i'm trying to understand what difference does it make if black men go for white women.... there choice, not yours.... is it really wrong? i know that some of the reason in general can be wrong and there a lot of bad reasons why people date who they do. is this a political thing or a personal prefrence? is it an issue of just keeping black, black and white white?

i have a nephew who is mixed heavily and has already delt with the ugly side of this because of people who think purity is so great. i look him and all i can think is he's a beautiful person with a lot more to offer than his race....

mhd

02-20-2003, 04:37 PM

mixed heavily?

Pete Nice

02-20-2003, 04:53 PM

he's got like 5 or 6 things going on as far as race.... i'm mixed with four... sorry bad phrasing.

Ronnie Ron

02-20-2003, 04:58 PM

Did anyone notice 10 pages and all debates no drama, GREAT POST!!!!

Mocambo

02-20-2003, 04:59 PM

Yes, I did notice.

graemlins/clap.gif

Mocambo

02-20-2003, 05:00 PM

[ February 20, 2003, 05:01 PM: Message edited by: Silhouette ]

Jamie 3:26

02-20-2003, 05:02 PM

Originally posted by RonnieRon:
Did anyone notice 10 pages and all debates no drama, GREAT POST!!!!That's because some folks were absent.Hell,even Lennox behaved..and did not cuss at all. graemlins/rofl.gif

Leslie

02-20-2003, 05:02 PM

This was a great post! Everyone who participated should take a bow, as this was about as good as it gets! graemlins/acclaim.gif

rexdale brawler

02-20-2003, 05:02 PM

there's over a billion black men and u
can't find
1??????? :rolleyes: :rolleyes: :rolleyes:
so what u gonna do????
get a white guy and get back at them.
make your rebound. graemlins/acclaim.gif

mhd

02-20-2003, 05:03 PM

Originally posted by square root:
he's got like 5 or 6 things going on as far as race.... i'm mixed with four... sorry bad phrasing.no problem, thanks for clarifying

Ronnie Ron

02-20-2003, 05:04 PM

Dont mind if i do... graemlins/acclaim.gif

DOTSmusic

02-20-2003, 05:05 PM

aKiLa's nationality = Belizian, Mayan, Irish, & Mexican.

anyone who has ever dated me is quite obviously dating outside their race.
in my opinion there is nothing wrong with interracial dating at all.
in fact is there really such a thing?
we are all one in the same race THE HUMAN RACE.
isn't that all that should ****ing matter?
this is a tired ass subject which should be left to the ignorant ass racists and uneducated mother****ers who have nothing better to do than judge others instead of looking to find the beauty inside themselves and others.
to each his own but i expect more from educated people than to judge someone by the color of their skin.
no matter what we are all humans before anything.
in my opinion that's what counts the most.
we should all love one another because we are all one in the same PERIOD.

by the way i've been out of the dating game for mad long now.
SINGLE and luvin every minute of it.

[ February 20, 2003, 05:23 PM: Message edited by: aKiLa ]

02-20-2003, 05:10 PM

Short, Tall, Skinny, Flaca even those with the Biggo Nalgas!!!! Man I love all women they all taste good, too! http://deephousepage.com/smilies/mwink.gif

[ February 20, 2003, 05:12 PM: Message edited by: Michael J. Carmona ]

The Buddy Love Show

02-20-2003, 05:12 PM

Originally posted by JAMIE 3:26:
Before I start,do not be offended by what I am going to say.I see both sides of the coins.

Most of the brothers who do go out and get with a white girl,they do it because some sisters can be cruel and superficial.

Think about the homily guy who the sisters gave no play to.He doesnt drive a fancy car,dresses down and is a quiet almost nerdy kind of guy.He may even be the most attractive guy.

He is ignored by the sisters or even dissed.He meets Becky,who just likes him for him.The brother is loved by this women for him.This inspires the brother to even do better,he becomes succesful.

Now the sisters are mad and talking shit.Calling him a sell-out and so forth.Where were you when this brother was ugly and a geek and was not worth your time?

I really want to get into this,but will have to come back on this,because there are a lot of issues that will come out on the surface on this.....jamie...you understand the pain of the black nerd..probably cause you are one...nevertheless what you write is true

Most bitches (yes i'm angry) had no time for me when i was in school being a full time nerd ( i went to Stuyvesant HS..one of the nerdiest schools in the country and braniac central USA)....when i had no ends they had nowords...when i was in college i wasn't no drug dealer or future baller or rapper so i had to be Mr Inviso...cause i don't sound like i'm from the ghetto i got dissed...cause i'm well read i got dissed....

well as the stones sang "time is on my side"...my annual income puts me in the top 15% of all households in the US...and now all those ****ed out, three baby having got with a three time loser whos now doing the pillow biting routine at Ossining want to get with me...(and i'm still super - ugly)...sorry but that shit aint happening...

I used to try to date in my race and got dissed...but it only enlightened me to the fact that pussy is pink and love (or my shallow interpretation of it) has no color...i'll step out with a hotty of any persuasion and the fact is cats be buggin on whoever i'm with ;first their looks and then their personalities...(Buddy Love don't got no hankerin for skanks)

"for his beeper number she be beggin pleez,
dyin for the day to get skeezed.
SHE CAUGHT THE VAPORS"
the Biz

ps, for once i show my true face...i told ya i was ugly

[ February 20, 2003, 05:54 PM: Message edited by: your idol, Buddy Love ]

The Buddy Love Show

02-20-2003, 05:48 PM

Originally posted by SuzanneT:
Ok, I know Im going to piss some people off, especially some of my sistas but here it goes:

Im not hurt when Black men date outside the race, My hope is that people find true happiness wherever it lies. Men date whoever makes them feel good about themselves and some sistas (if the shoe fits wear it) just aint doing their jobs. I am so tired of hearing women place all the blame for our men dating outside the race on the men. Alot of black women need to look in the mirror and ask themselves "When I expect a man to have an Escalade, a house, Prada shoes and Armani suits, what exactly am I bringing to the table for him?" You can't think "All I need to do is look good and sling some of this good pussy on him and he's all mine" Pussy is a dime a dozen!!!
Brains, love, support, and the ability to keep your man's spirit uplifted and the ability to be self sufficient are invaluable assets men like to see FIRST in a woman. NOT can he pay to get my nails done, my hair done, pay my rent, yada yada yada... Nobody wants to feel like somebody else only looks at them for whats in their wallets. Too many good men are left by the wayside because we are looking for Mr SugarDaddy
The media and rap videos portray sistahs as money hungry ho's and a lot of us keep on perpetuating that stereotype because they can't see beyond the material things to look at the character of the man.preach on sister girl...

when i was broke i was a nice guy...nicknamed "desert dick dan"....

now that i've paid my dues and got a lil sumfin, i'm a ****ed up rat bastard who sees most bitches as hoes...just about every broad i ever met up with was about the paper and now i'm like "what the ****?"...how should i act (especially since i hate everybody)

my new sport...getting jiggy in the club and enjoying my feelings of contempt for any bitches who come up (they're attracted to the bottle of grey goose)...and no they ain't juicing me as they pay back in flesh

a bitter bwahahahaha

if i were you i'd shun support from an obviously ****ed up soul like myself

your idol,

Buddy Love

(btw..the nom de plume has always been an obvious tipoff)

Balactus

02-20-2003, 05:53 PM

i don't know if anyone pointed this out but didn't some scientists prove a while ago that there is no real genetic differences between races? anyway the only use i have for these silly subdivisions is in my porn.

w

julian_kelly

02-20-2003, 11:11 PM

I agree with Leslie

I know a slew of successful brothas dating sistas. In my environment it is the norm; and that is what I have primarily seen my entire life.

Whenever you fell like professional brothers arent dating sisters, make your way to a HBCU football or basketball game...make it to an event hosted by an organization like National Association of Black Accountants, National Association of Black MBA's, National Association of Black Journalists, National Association of Black Engineers...check out Tom Joyners Cruise...make it to the Black Enterprise Conference...check out Black Ski Weekend in Colorado...check out Caribanna...go to the Bayou Classic...go to the Whitney Young Classic...go to the John Merritt Classic...check out the Magic City Classic....watch for all the strong husbands (in the background) toting around children at weekend national sorrority conventions...heck....make your way to Atlanta or DC, and you'll see that your assumptions arent always correct.

Everyone isn't in the same environment.
Everyone has different experiences.
What's the norm for one person aint the norm for another
Brothas still love sistas.
Let's be careful about generalizations.

We are out there.

peace
julian kelly

Originally posted by Leslie:
<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by Ashaki:
I may be wrong about this but if I am I know someone will correct me...

the difference between successful black women and successful black men, is that once black men become successful, they seek and marry white women. successful black women have a tendancy to seek out successful black men... brothers act as if white women are their trophy for success...jmoAshaki, I live in Norhern NJ, I have plenty of girlfriends who are married to successful black men (it also helps that these Sista's are the bomb themselves in the paycheck area) making in excess of 6 figures - please don't confuse what you see in print or tv as to what entertainers and sports figures are doing as the law of the land - it ain't necessarily so....[/QUOTE]

C hristian

02-20-2003, 11:19 PM

wondering if anyone outside the US posted on this.

mhd

02-20-2003, 11:23 PM

c - ngeso is in germany

jk, word! i might add the National Bar Association to your esteemed list

Querck

02-21-2003, 01:05 AM

Ashaki, I don't understand what's the problem. We got a bunch of single black men, who are, by the way, into house, right here on the DHP. I'm sure lots of them are very nice guys as well. ;)

julian_kelly

02-21-2003, 02:27 AM

Mark...people reeeeeealy doze on professional conferences for meeting super quality people.

I've met so many tight women at conferences over the years its a shame..and the women meet solid men as well. The vibe is festive and people are open to minglin. All you gotta do is find the after hour mixer/party bring the pen, your cards, and rack up. You know the routine. You dont even need game at conferences because the environment is right.

People need to learn to position themselves in the right target market graemlins/rofl.gif

julian kelly

Originally posted by mhd:
c - ngeso is in germany

jk, word! i might add the National Bar Association to your esteemed list

Tenyu

02-21-2003, 03:22 AM

Originally posted by your idol, Buddy Love:
<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by SuzanneT:
Ok, I know Im going to piss some people off, especially some of my sistas but here it goes:

Im not hurt when Black men date outside the race, My hope is that people find true happiness wherever it lies. Men date whoever makes them feel good about themselves and some sistas (if the shoe fits wear it) just aint doing their jobs. I am so tired of hearing women place all the blame for our men dating outside the race on the men. Alot of black women need to look in the mirror and ask themselves "When I expect a man to have an Escalade, a house, Prada shoes and Armani suits, what exactly am I bringing to the table for him?" You can't think "All I need to do is look good and sling some of this good pussy on him and he's all mine" Pussy is a dime a dozen!!!
Brains, love, support, and the ability to keep your man's spirit uplifted and the ability to be self sufficient are invaluable assets men like to see FIRST in a woman. NOT can he pay to get my nails done, my hair done, pay my rent, yada yada yada... Nobody wants to feel like somebody else only looks at them for whats in their wallets. Too many good men are left by the wayside because we are looking for Mr SugarDaddy
The media and rap videos portray sistahs as money hungry ho's and a lot of us keep on perpetuating that stereotype because they can't see beyond the material things to look at the character of the man.preach on sister girl...

when i was broke i was a nice guy...nicknamed "desert dick dan"....

now that i've paid my dues and got a lil sumfin, i'm a ****ed up rat bastard who sees most bitches as hoes...just about every broad i ever met up with was about the paper and now i'm like "what the ****?"...how should i act (especially since i hate everybody)

my new sport...getting jiggy in the club and enjoying my feelings of contempt for any bitches who come up (they're attracted to the bottle of grey goose)...and no they ain't juicing me as they pay back in flesh

a bitter bwahahahaha

if i were you i'd shun support from an obviously ****ed up soul like myself

your idol,

Buddy Love

(btw..the nom de plume has always been an obvious tipoff)[/QUOTE]:eek:

Mah'chew

02-21-2003, 03:35 AM

Anyone got a homosexual perspective on all this stuff?

Do women feel threatened when they see to guys together?

Do they think, what's wrong with me, why doesn't he like the booty?

I think women have a different perspective on this, they admire the fact that the guy is fine, then possibly lament the fact that he's not going to be attracted to them, then might give a little respect to the the guys lover for hooking a great guy.

When can we look at race in the same way?

[ February 21, 2003, 03:38 AM: Message edited by: Mathius ]

simon b

02-21-2003, 03:44 AM

Damn. There's so may interesting points of view in this thread. Everybody's experience is different.

Here in Canada, in the major centers (Montreal, Toronto, Vancouver) it's very common. (We even learned a song in grade school that had lyrics about it!)

I've been witn mulato, black, spanish, brazilian, philipino, french, Indian, trinidadian, chinese, mexican, haitian, turkish, quebecquoise.girls.

The thing is, were I'm at now it's just people now, no racial-prefix's.

simon b

02-21-2003, 03:53 AM

Originally posted by Leslie:
This was a great post! Everyone who participated should take a bow, as this was about as good as it gets! graemlins/acclaim.gif smile.gif

Fletch

02-21-2003, 06:56 AM

Originally posted by Leslie:
[QUOTE]There are a million places to meet eligible black men - warning - they may not like house (a personal deal breaker for me, if you can't deal with shaking yo ass up in the Shelter every once in a while (or understand why I need to go to get my thang worked out) - keep that shit moving too...)There are a million places to meet fine sistas. Warning: I, personally, have a lot of interests, and someone who is with me should have to appreciate that. Of course, I have to appreciate what they do, too. So if you don't understand why I have to run 30 miles a week, listen to my music, play my bass and watch the 'Cuse (espcially this year!), Like Richard Pryor said, "Helloooooooo! Goodbye!".

DJ Timmy Richardson

02-21-2003, 07:06 AM

Originally posted by Ashaki:
<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by martin s:
Ashaki you say it hurts 'us' - do you think that it also hurts the white girl, or whatever race she may be?

It's hard enough to find a soulmate or real love in this life. When you do why should race put obstacles in it's way?

My wife is of a different race to me - and my children are mixed race. Ashaki surely what someone else does in their life has no effect on you. If you don't want a mixed race relationship then don't have one. But it works for me, and I couldn't care less what anyone of my race, my wife's race or any other race thinks about it because it has nothing to do with them how I live my life.I do not want anyone to take this personal. I am fully aware that not every Black man will marry a Black woman and so on and so forth. I am not angry I am simply a Black woman who believes that interracial dating has become a problem within the Black community. This is not a personal attack. I want to know why brothers are looking for love else where.[/QUOTE]You make it sound like Black women don't date White men. Surely you don't believe that.